Ethics of communication and culture of speech in the family and society. Consultation for parents Culture Communication in the family What culture communication in the family
Consultation for parents
"Family communication culture"
A happy family, in which morally created a valuable relationship between adults, adults and children. Family for a child is the first and main link that binds his life with the public environment. And it is very important. Public interests of adults, attitudes towards labor, good attitude towards people - the key to the fact that the child is already in early childhood begins to communicate to the goals, ideals of our society; It seeks at home and in kindergarten to follow the standards of behavior, the rules of relationships that absorbs adults. Therefore, for the modern family, the problem of the culture of communication in the family is very relevant.
There are two opposite style of family education: authoritarian and democratic. Authoritarian style is characterized by the authority of the parents, more often than his father. Parents require unquestioned subordination and fulfillment of requirements. Adults are little considered with the individuality of the child, with its age characteristics, interests and desires. Blind obedience to children in such families is often based on concern to be punished; And at the end of the older, children in such families often come into conflicts with their parents, are distinguished from the family. Children in such families are very poorly developed independence, initiative, creative principle.
With the democratic style of relationship between all family members, they are characterized by mutual love and respect, attention and care of adults and children about each other. In such families, from early age, children join the life of the family, its needs and care. Parents try to better know their children, find out the causes of their good and bad deeds. Shopping the child demands, adults turn to the feelings and consciousness of the child, encourage the initiative. At the same time, the children know the words "need", "you can", "it is impossible." At the same time, parents enjoy authority in children. Punishments in such families are usually not applied - enough censure or chagrin of parents.
It should be noted, however, that the democratic style of communication in the family does not give the desired effect if important pedagogical principles are violation if parents are not consistent in the requirements, their approaches are not united.
Of course, it is not easy to develop the right style of intra-family relationship. Each family accumulates their education experience, produces its own view on his goals, specific content and methods of implementation. Thus, the family actually creates its culture of communication.
Unfortunately, the culture of communication and relationships is managed not all and not always. Often, parents criticize each other in the presence of relatives, friends and - the main thing - children. At the same time, they are sure that they behave correctly. But in reality, such behavior leads to the opposite: resentment, negative feelings for each other are accumulated, emotional proximity and contact are destroyed. That is why it is so important to remember that A.S. Makarenko called the "common tone of the family." Such a "family tone" acts on a child, regardless of parents, and sometimes even contrary to them. "Your own behavior is the most decisive thing" - said A.S. Makarenko. "You raise your child at every moment of your life, even when you are not at home."
Analyzing various styles of communication in the family, I would like to warn parents from some errors to which the wrong style of communication in the family is leading. These are several types of false authority, which are found in modern families.
- "Love authority." Parents capture the child, demonstrating him their feelings. The decoration of stockiness, blind love, worship, belonging, along with the constant anxiety for the life and health of the child, creates in the family of a egoist, who, rigorous, is not considered anyone.
- "The authority of kindness." Parents all allow the child. The baby lives in an atmosphere of all prostrates, the execution of his any whim, whim. Children command their parents, demanding unauthorized. As a result, the dancer grows, imposing exorbitant claims that does not recognize any authorities.
- "Suppression authority", in which the authoritarian style of intra-family relations is developing. In disobedience, the resistance of the child's parents in such families often annoyed, screaming, children are often punished, grow in such families in such families, closed children.
- "Pedantism authority." In such families, parents seek to preserve the distance between themselves and the child, love to read notations and morals. They are not considered with the child, his opinions never ask. In such an atmosphere, a child or passively obeys, or begins to protest, capricious. As a result, a belligerent, misintermettitative, a non-independent person with an unimaginable character grows.
- "Bribery authority." Listening to children and a good attitude towards themselves parents, without noticing, "buy" a child with gifts, endless promises. "You will behave well, then buy ..." - we often hear in conversations of parents with children. In such families, children grow egoists. They will all always make only benefit for themselves.
So, we see how difficult it is to choose that the only right way to communicate in the family, which will help to establish calm, trusting relationships with a child, business and emotional contacts. Consultations of specialists will help to master the necessary methods and techniques in raising children, as well as reading specially selected popular science and fiction.
Remember: "Children are happiness!"
Family communication culture
Life in the family is impossible without communicating in it, communication between husband and wife, between parents and children in the process of everyday relations. Communication in the family is the relationship of family members to each other and their interaction, the exchange of information between them, their spiritual contact. The communication spectrum in the family can be very diverse. In addition to conversations about work, household, health, lifetimes of friends and acquaintances, it includes a discussion of issues related to the upbringing of children, art, politics, and so on. Satisfaction of spouses communication depends on the degree of compatibility of their views, values. There is no doubt that nervousness, impassableness, closure and other negative character traits are poor family communication satellites.
Sociological studies show that with normal relationships in the family, the spouses are usually always divided among themselves with their grief and receive morally psychological support, which they will not say about unfavorable families.
However, there is no ideal communication in the family, that is, communication consisting only of consent. Sophistication relationships inevitably pass through contradictions: quarrels, conflicts, and so on. In these cases, it is very important to understand the spouses of each other's position, put yourself in his place. I believe that in the process of dispute, it is necessary to speak only about the dispute about the dispute and should not be reminded of the last misses of the other, not to make the deposits: "And you yourself."
In family communication, moral principles are very important, the main of which is - respect for the other, his "I". Often, after a difficult labor day, the spouses strive to disrupt their bad mood on loved ones, give the expectation of accumulated camsion. They begin to grumble, reproach, make comments, shout. As a result of such a discharge, a person can get temporary relief, although the consequences may be hard. Some begin to torment the remorse of conscience for their own inappropriate and incontinence. Others - resentment for unfair accusations and reproes. As a result, this contributes to the destruction of the family.
Sometimes it is useful to make compromises, i.e. to make concessions to each other. It is also very important to be able to admit your mistakes as the right of others is wrong.
It is very important to share your thoughts more often, do not bother to praise, good words.
The accusable relationship between husband and wife lead to bad consequences. Psychologists have established that there is a connection between marital conflicts and nervously mental disorders. The lack of mutual understanding in the family leads to depression, alienation, to deterioration of the psychological and physical condition, a significant decrease in human performance. Inability to communicate can destroy the family. The main components of the culture of communication are empathy, tolerance, comprisibility, goodwill. Special ability to communicate - the ability to recognize the value of the other, even if the position is lost. Only in this way, harmony can be achieved in family life.
In the family, besides adults, children also need in defective communication. Communication is one of the main factors for the formation of the child's personality. The need for communication appears in the baby from birth. Already at the age of 2 months at the form of mother, his face is illuminated by a smile.
Communication of parents with children is of great importance for their full development. It has been proven that children, devoid of opportunities to communicate with their parents, are characterized by a low level of self-regulation of behavior, have increased sensitivity to treat them adult, have difficulties in communicating with peers.
In many families, for the most part, children are more often communicated with his mother than with her father. Conversations with father are short-term. In some children there are no confidence relationships, both with his father and with his mother. Most often it happens in families where close spiritual contacts have not been established, both between the spouses and between parents and children. In such families, the main will be the will of one of the spouses, and relationships with other family members is based on orders, subordination, insults. This has a negative impact on the formation of children's ability to fully communicate.
For many, the concept of etiquette is placed in the rules of behavior at the table or at the first acquaintance of people.
What needs to be understood under good manners in the family?
First, in conversations with loved ones, no matter how they upset you, you should never be very hot. It is necessary to restrain yourself, try to speak - briefly, calmly, naturally. All sorts of categorical judgments can be mitigated by expressions like "I think", "I think." Before you say something or, especially, to do in relation to another, the tactful person will think - as his words and deeds will be perceived, will they not insult anyone?
To get involved in any disputes is also undesirable. Experience shows: if the dispute continues for a long time and is stubborn, then there is a coldness of relationships between the arguing people and even the feeling of dislike.
The culture of behavior requires from us the ability to own themselves, the ability to restrain, when perhaps, I really want to throw a plate of some kind of cinema heroine, throw a sharp offensive word, to answer rudeness to rudeness.
But someone first (most prudent) must come and say: "Sorry." And here, again, extremely much depends on a woman who forms the atmosphere in the family. She must penetrate the thought that the situation is just a discharge, a surge of emotions that need to pay off. Think about the fact that during the family quarrels you lose a particle of femininity and prettyness, and this is very dangerous for each of us.
Yes, you both got excited. Now sit at the negotiating table and calmly state your position. With this, try so that children do not see how mom and dad find out the relationship. Never involve them in family quarrels, it is injured. It is very fraught with a clarification relationship of mother-in-law or mother-in-law. Just like my wife speak bad about her husband's parents (as well as her husband - about the parents of the spouse).
Culture helps love often, it is the ignorance of culture of behavior in the family leads to contradictions who kill love, respect for each other, make it impossible to live together. Compliance with the rules of etiquette should help build everyday life in the family.
Everything here is detached from the smallest things. Do not forget to greet all members of the family in the morning - and do not "block" something incomprehensible to the nose, but to say a friendly, turning to a smile: "Good morning, cute" or a child - "Good morning, my sun".
In many of our apartments there is only one toilet and one bathroom. So that everything in the morning was not pushed and did not hurry others - enter the order when someone gets married.
Breakfast also assumes its etiquette. No matter how hurrying, the table should be covered - it is not necessary to drain the tablecloth, to serve the table and cook for each starch napkins, but everyone should have their own plate and a cup. Napkins can be paper - but it should be necessary. Bread, sausage, cheese must be cut carefully. Breakfast without a rush, do not talk, especially, on anxious, unpleasant themes, such as discussing television news. Therefore, the TV in the kitchen is better turned off while making food.
Leaving, do not forget to say goodbye, you can kiss your relatives, and to warn them very well - when you return.
In the evening, if you are at home and meet your husband, do not be lazy already in the hallway to tell him a few tender words, smile. Show participation, if you see that he is upset, but do not require immediate explanations and the story.
If in the evening it turned out that there were some household or family problems, then do not decide them on the go - before dinner or during dinner, and after him. In general, try every moment so that everyone in the house is calm and cozy.
In many families, parents, grandparents fall into the "educational" excitement when communicating with children. Often adults increase the tone, annoyed, criticizing the behavior of children, and the mentor tone put as an example of themselves. Remember that children are not perceived by words, but actions, and therefore parents are called to serve in the family with a regular example of behavior.
Dear my old people
Many people live with the elderly parents, and this also often creates additional tension in the family. Of course, the existence in one apartment with an older person often requires patience and maintaining constant "diplomacy". Even if you live with your native and beloved mother, you have to take into account the fact that she lives on tough rules that have learned dozens of years ago and not going to change them.
Extremes, the bore, claims of many old people are also natural and inevitable, like crying and caprises of the baby or the emotionality and irritability of the teenager. Alas, at each age your problems.
Why do many older people grow in nature? We will not talk about violations of the blood circulation of the brain, including those of its sites that are responsible for the psycho-emotional sphere - doctors can observe. Psychologists note the fact that most of the elderly, the brain receives an increasing load. After retirement, the field of activity is narrowed, they get less new impressions.
Households, as a rule, have long been mastered, became everyday routine. There is a very limited circle of usual affairs, memories and reflections, which sometimes turn out to be a little interesting busy and hurrying young family members. They prefer to send grandparents on their sofa to "not confused under their feet." This is a very selfish position. It is necessary not to alienate them from them, but, on the contrary, invent the old people are unnecessary physically affairs, engage them in the life of the family, showing them a sense of respect for them. This will help the elderly to kill their inner loneliness. And on the other hand, the grill grandmothers and grandparents will not watch the young people and boring them with their teachings.
Keepers of family traditions.Here's a picture of life: Grandma and Grandpa are watching TV, and mom, dad and child - everyone sits at their computer. Communication with each other is minimized, there is a sense of loneliness in his own family.
But close people must associate family traditions. Well, when there are common interests, entertainment, sharing. To maintain family traditions, it is very important to constantly communicate with the senior members of the family, from which youngs are taken by the generation relay, asking them about the history of family and society. You can be confident: if family albums are considering in your house from time to time, open the cherished boxes with letters, family relics, they constantly take care of the graves of relatives, talk about how the great-grandmothers and great-grandfathers lived - in the family really a good atmosphere and good traditions.
Good day, friends. I present to your attention a new fairy tale from Uncle Matthew. Website:
Heading:
On the culture of communication in the family.
There were a husband and wife. Lived like everyone else. The wife of the farm led, the children brought up, and the husband worked, the family was fed. Everything seems to be good, but they communicated with each other only by mat and other rude words. This and children studied them. And here, like that, in one beautiful, sunny day, the wife says to her husband:
"You're a drunk freak, let's shut in their pastures the whole mat and other bastard bazaars, and let's start a new life. We will rush only in scientific, beautiful and sweet. What would bless only a pleasant word. And talk ..., how is it? "Compliments" those and me. BUT? What is Skazh, Pokhodnaya?
The husband answers:
- Well, what, buchery is fish, you can try. It is interesting to listen to your whore chatter in cultural sauce.
- Well, hell, tomorrow and start? - asked the wife.
- Yes, Gidid is creeping, tomorrow. - Husband replied.
On that and shaped.
Morning. A daily day. Call. Wife, as always, jumping first and slamming the alarm clock, runs to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Husband, smoking turns on the other side, continuing to inspect sleep.
Silently gathered breakfast Wife goes to wake her husband. Gently shaking him by the shoulder:
- A multi-willed spouse, you will not be so kind to move away from sleep, climb and go to the bathroom for taking the morning toilet. After this, you need to dress and proceed to the kitchen room where coffee and sandwiches are expected.
The husband is a reunion of one eye, having breathering with a habit, and remembering yesterday's contract answers:
- Oh beautiful from wives, and do not you seduge if you leave me and proceed in a famous direction?
"Oh my delicious delicate, I can get there, only after you."
Finally, waking up the husband gets up and making in the bathroom. Wash, dressed and breakfast, leaving for work, crusher:
- madam! You have prepared a wonderful breakfast. Thank you. I serving my job duties in place of work. At the end of this, I will arrive in place of residence. I ask you to cover the table to my return.
In the evening, the husband returns home, as always drunk, dirty and without money. Wives, oddly enough, no at home. ??? Going around the apartment, and making sure that it really is not at home, a husband, a little rubble, falls on the sofa, in complete bewilderment.
- In Su ... - he bakes, - somewhere BB ..., probably walks, the pad ..., a strange woman!? Well, I will return to her Gn ..., my dear, I will buy cosmetics. Proscans ..., my beloved.
So shook his wife "flattering" epitheats he sat down from an hour. Suddenly the doorbell rang; Long, not stopped.
Husband, jumper, went to open. Opening the door, he saw ..., Something: in front of him stood a stranger, sparkling with a white-up, a Hollywood smile. The hair was neatly laid, professional makeup was applied on the face, joyfully brilliant, with a green tint of eyes, indiscriminately closed with long, fluffy eyelashes. Well-groomed hands with long pearl marigolds were charming with her shadows, swelling sponges, and a healthy blush on cute cheeks. Elegant fitting slim, impeccable figure, the dress ended slightly reaching the knees. Pointed high-heeled shoes emphasized this living masterpiece.
Husband silently, without movements, considered Guest. In-in-in-ah-Mo? - He asked and he asked. In response, there was a ringing, contagious laughter: - Well, what do you sir ..., do not recognize your own faithful?
- Kha-Khe-Khe - the husband was confused.
For ten years of living together, he saw his wife only behind the stove, with a broom, or in the country area with a shovel. Disheveled, neglected, in the rhoman bathrobe, or in an old sports suit and rubber boots. And here it is, he was even confused, and completely sled.
- Uh - t ..., you? He made a sip with a dry throat. - But, oh, how? Ah - Where? .. Ohu ..., unusually beautiful, you are madam simply a genius of pure beauty. "Calling a little in yourself, without tearing off the eye from my wife, thugs through his teeth.
He suddenly looked like himself, dirty, rummaged, fragrant with the overt. And he became so in itself, he even lowered his eyes and blushed. Having done a step towards, he finally let his wife in the apartment. And himself, already forgetting about the day of waiting ..., flew to the bathroom. By putting yourself in order, and dressed in a "marry" costume, he entered the "Hall" where he was now expected by a beautiful wife. His woman, his love.
- Yes, how is it all good to be cultural and brought up, life becomes completely different, the meaning of life appears, and I seem to fall in love again, ... I love you madam, and I ask for my forever. - He said, and fell asleep to her legs.
She smiled with tears of happiness in her eyes, hugged him a little disagreened, and said:
- Yes, of course, my favorite, I am yours, and you are my own.
And they began to live loving each other, and communicating only in cultural language.
Tom and children were taught.
Moral tales in that:
Love your like a rain thunder
And only Sattle speaks them
That would not fall to you!
Svetlana Davydova
Consultation for parents Culture Communication in the family
Consultation for parents
Family communication culture
Davydova S. I.,
educator MBDOU Kindergarten №62 "Golden Beehive",
city Stary Oskol Belgorod region
"Happiness is given only by knowing". These words I. Bunin can be fully attributed to parents. Love children, little, you need to know them, and it must be studied.
Many parents As a thunder among the clear sky, the behavior of their children in adolescence is striking. It was like a normal child and suddenly smokes, rude, slaps the door ...
The morality of the adolescent depends on how he was brought up during the years of childhood, which was laid in his soul from birth to 10-11 years.
For successful education, not only the love of the child is important, but also a common microclimate families. Durability depend on it families, and the spiritual qualities of the child, and even our longevity.
Parents for a child - fork: how they will sound, so he will respond.
If we do not apply badly to your parents, Togo needs to be waiting for their children.
In the ancient parable says: "The Son grabbed the old father and dragged him to eat to crocodiles. His son ran after him. "What for?" - asked father: "To find out the road for which you have to drag you ...".
In our daily life, we, perhaps, most suffer from a shortage cultures in people. And it's not even in courtesy, for it is essentially an external manifestation culture. We are talking about shortage cultures internalAnd visually its level is visible on children.
Looking at a five-year-old child, you can clearly imagine what parents, as and what are they talking about with each other, what microclimate in family.
IN cultural family No one is never shouting anyone, does not even increase the voices, because everyone sees in another - personality.
Culture The child is born in familyShe will not be able to instill in a kindergarten or at school, if the houses reigns rudeness.
The child absorbs his native speech so-called "Mother's way", Imitating close, so it is so important that he heard not only the right, but also a polite speech that meets the rules of speech etiquette.
A. S. Makarenko wrote: "Your own behavior is the most decisive thing. Do not think that you raise a child only when you talk to him, or teach, or order him. You raise it at every moment, even when you are not at home. How do you talk to other people and talk about other people like you are happy or sad, how you communicate with friends and with enemies, as you laugh, read the newspapers - just this for a child is of great importance. "
It is necessary to save the child from rursing, exclude from the family branch, the more obsceneous words.
It is necessary to save the child from rustic, exclude from family use of the bloom, especially obscene words.
Expressions "good morning" and "good night" are an integral part of the child's speech etiquette, like words "Hello", "bye", pronounced friendly, with a smile.
After all, mimic and intonation sometimes have no less meaning than the content of the statement itself. So, angrily uttered greeting can be perceived as an expression of hostility.
Not bad to teach the child to greet when you visit the mail, shoe workshop or some kind of institutions of life, if you go there with him. Do you do this yourself?
Words - greetings set both sides on friendly way.
Words like "Great", "Chao", "Hello", "Be", etc., which are so common now among adolescents, young people, can penetrate into the lexicon preschoolers. You, of course, teach a child to similar words, but since he moved them soon, explain that these expressions apply only in relationships with peers, but not with adults.
Take a child when he needed a thing belonging to another member families, Comrade, ask permission. for example: "Mom, let me take your golk?", "Tanya, you can take your pencil?" etc. Asking permits, the child thereby expresses respect for the rights of another person, and the polite form almost guarantees success.
"Magic word" - This is a good expression well known to our children. But do they use all of them? Remind your child to not forget "On Magic Silence" the words "you are welcome"When referring to one or another request for adults or peers.
But there is still a word "Thank you"which a child can learn about two years.
From four years, children should turn to adult, talk to him "you" and call named and patronymic (except parents, grandparents - the closest relatives).
It is worth thinking about the fact that in some families"nurse", "folder" - Ordinary appeal. In a literary relationship more correctly, if children call parents"mum", "dad"without avoiding, of course, and smear form: "Mommy", "daddy".
BUT parents of their parents From the point of view of speech etiquette, it is preferable to call "grandmother", "Grandpa", "Babusy", "Hearing" or "woman" and "grandfather".
We have already emphasized the value of the example parents In mastering the child's rules of speech behavior. However, adults do not always know what expressions, the appeals are most appropriate in certain cases. For example, the widespread recent appeal to an unfamiliar person on the basis of Paul is cut to many of us. How often we i hear: "Woman, you dropped glove", "Man, you come out". Common appeals "citizen", "citizen" In many situations, it sounds too officially and not always applicable. Fortunately, recently began to use words "sir", "madam", "Lord"... But these words are hard to enter our lexicon.
The speech of some children is replete with different kind of offensive nicknames, of course, not by them fiction. If in family the child is heard "Stretchable", "Ferrum", "Ripples", "Banner"These words are firmly included in his own lexicon and do not decorate his speech or a relationship with those who are addressed. If you consider it necessary to make a child's remark, try to choose tactful expressions and do not pronounce it. It is better to do this, staying alone with him.
Pay attention to the child on the fact that you should not correct the speaker adult, point to speech errors, inaccurate transmission of events or some other misses.
Publications on the topic:
Consultation for parents "Lessons of morality in the family" Family is the word native! How many lights, good and warmth there! How we are proud of our relatives for all their merits, for all their affairs! Childhood -.
Adaptive physical culture is a set of measures of a sports and recreation character, aimed at rehabilitation, and adaptation to normal.
Consultation for parents: "Culture of behavior as a component of the psychic health of children" "Culture of behavior as a component of the psychic health of children." From early childhood, the child comes into a complex system of relationships.
Consultation for parents "On the Word, about speech, about the culture of communication" One of the conditions for the normal development of the child and its further successful schooling is a full-fledged formation of speech in preschool.
Topic 3 "Family Communication Culture"
The interaction of parents with children in the family education process is carried out through communication.
Communication - Communicative process, a peculiar binder thread that combines people with each other.
With its help, parents form a moral motivation of a child's actions, include a son or daughter for beneficial family and social activities, enrich the experience of children's experiences, which has a positive effect on all areas of personality development. Consequently, parents must own the culture of communication.
Culture - This is a very multifaceted and capacious concept, but when we say the culture of communication, everyone knows what is understood by this term.
Culture of communication - This is a certain set of rules that each self-respecting person adheres to. Compliance with these rules is an indicator of the level of education and human culture as a whole, without a culture of communication it is impossible to interact with people in a civilized society.
Knowledge of cultural norms and restrictions in communication, knowledge of customs, traditions, etiquette in the field of communication, compliance with decency, lictionthis is communicative competence.
Communicative competence - This is a generalizing communicative property of a person, including communicative abilities, knowledge, skills and skills.
Communicative abilities - Abilities, personality properties that ensure the effectiveness of its communicative activities, first of all communication with other personalities, and psychological compatibility of activities. The ability of a person to understand other people (the desire to understand others, the ability to listen to the partner of communication, observation), the ability to self-expressive personality (the desire to be understood by others, culture of speech), the ability to adequately influence communication partners (demanding, tact, politeness, discipline) .
Communicative knowledge - This is knowledge about what communication is that its types, the patterns of development.
Communicative skills - These are speech skills, the ability to harmonize external and internal manifestations, the ability to receive feedback, the ability to overcome communicative barriers.
Life in the family is impossible without communicating in it, communication between husband and wife, between parents and children in the process of everyday relations. Communication in the family is the relationship of family members to each other and their interaction, the exchange of information between them, their spiritual contact. The communication spectrum in the family can be very diverse. In addition to conversations about work, household, health, lifetimes of friends and acquaintances, it includes a discussion of issues related to the upbringing of children, art, politics, and so on. There is no doubt that nervousness, impassableness, closure and other negative character traits are poor family communication satellites.
The lack of mutual understanding in the family leads to depression, alienation, to deterioration of the psychological and physical condition, a significant decrease in human performance. Inability to communicate can, destroy the family. The main components of the culture of communication are empathy, tolerance, comprisibility, goodwill. Special ability to communicate - the ability to recognize the value of the other, even if the position is lost. Only in this way, harmony can be achieved in family life.
Communication is one of the main factors for the formation of the child's personality. The need for communication appears in a child from birth.
Communication of parents with children is of great importance for their full development. The devoted opportunities to communicate with their parents are characterized by a low level of self-regulation of behavior, they have an accelerated sensitivity to communicate to them adult, have difficulties in communicating with peers.
Barriers to communicate between children and parents
An important task of intrasday communication is the formation of faithful relationships with children, which contribute to the development of their personality. Incorrectly organized relationships between children and parents often cause the emergence of various barriers that interfere with the normal educational process in the family. Here are the most typical of them.
Barrier "Employment"
It is characterized by the fact that parents are constantly engaged in: work, household goods, leisure, each other, and they "once" pay attention to their own children who are just bothering them. This causes the alienation of the child and leads to some removal from its own parents. This barrier may arise in different age periods, but at any stage of the development of the child's personality, he adversely affects the family relationship system. Children and parents seem to live a different life, as a result of the family as an educational system "does not work", even if parents, in general, positive people.
Decision : Arrange priorities. What is really important in your life? Will it be important in a year, two, five?
Barrier "Adults"
In this case, to understand their own children prevents their own age, the so-called "height of adulthood". They are unable to enter into the inner psychological situation of the child, they do not feel his experiences, do not understand his interests, games, needs. After all, the fact that an adult seems to be a trifle, for a child sometimes makes sense of life. It was very true about this once the outstanding teacher Ya. Korchak, emphasizing that, to us, adults, it is necessary to rise to the height of children's senses, stretch, become on tiptoe.
Decision : Remember - all your time. Today your child cannot also comprehend and analyze everything that happens in his life. But with your help, it will definitely learn this over time.
Barrier "Old Stereotype"
The essence of him is that parents, no matter how seeming and feel the age dynamics of the identity of their own child. Let's say, parents are accustomed to seeing their child with a little, unsuitable and still perceive it as a baby, who is constantly needed to suggest, lead the behavior, to evaluate, etc., and the son or daughter has long grown and require a completely different level of relationship.
Decision: Trust the child, "let go" from himself - the highest parent wisdom!
Barrier educational traditions
The meaning of this barrier, his negative educational consequences are that parents strive to mechanically implement and reproduce the form in their own family, methods and means of education that have developed in their families. As a result, some inconsistency arises between pedagogical means in the family and the changed child of the child. We are all adults, we feel that the children have become more informed, the system of their needs has changed, the cultural situation in the family has changed, new means of information arose. And if earlier, the father and mother were for the child the most important sources of information for many years, today today the claims of parents on the absolute authority in the field of information are untenable.
Decision: approve your own credibility in another area.
Didactism barrier
It is characterized by the fact that parents constantly, for each occasion they are going on their own children. Each step of the child is fixed, evaluated, about each movement is given recommendations. The child, this leads to a state of constant tension, which, in turn, forms nervousness. Such parents - educators look pretty joined. Educational relations that need to be constantly created is simply replaced by every minute moral methods, which forms an internal installation to wait for a child.
Decision: Think if you are ready to "walk ahead" all my life instead of your child? What awaits you in 10 years?
Your relationship models to the child act as a sample to organize it with other people. Therefore, analyze the system of your family relationships and, if you feel that some of the listed barriers arises, strive to successively overcome it. If you think that your knowledge or effort is not enough, contact for help.
The most common complaint of children and adolescents on their parents: "They don't listen to me!".
Hurry, inability and reluctance to listen, understand what is happening in a complex children's world, try to look at the eyes of the son or daughter's eyes, confidence in the infallibility of your life experience - this is what is primarily creating a psychological barrier between parents and children.
A culture of speech
The culture of the child's speech is produced primarily in his family.Speech, grammatically correct, consist of deployed proposals, and not fragmentary words-teams. It is important that all the words are well distinguishable in sound and understand the child in meaning. Sometimes it is useful to repeat said if, but, in no case should not blame him for it. Show goodwill and patience, they will pay off a hundredfold.
Should not speak too loudly, the impression is that loud , deceptively. If the child screams or raises the voice, do not try to shout it. You achieve greater results if in response, on the contrary, maybe Be, even go to the whisper. The whisper is perceived as a trust form of communication, which means it is a kind of invitation to move from the "military" opposition to the table "peace negotiations".
Psychological techniques of communication in the situation of children's and parental relations
There are certain psychotechnical skills that help improve the relationship with children.We will look at three such skills.
The first rule of communication of the parent with the child is the acceptance of it as it is, without conditions and requirements. The child should live with the feeling that he is in any case the favorite, desired and dear, even if he did wrong.
At the same time, it is possible to express their discontent and necessary - but not by the child himself, but by its specific actions. Not "you are bad," and "You did not do bad," and even better, "I feel bad on how you did." Last thing -this is the "I-statement" technique.
"I am a statement" - This is a way of constructive expression of its negative emotions without insulting the child. Such a message will cause the smallest resistance from the child.
"I am a statement » It is important to give children to understand that they feel their parents, and at the same time not to divert the child through the censure and shame. The child has a chance to independently conclude about his behavior and adjust it.
Algorithm for the construction of "I-saying":
a) an invaluable description of the situation, which caused your negative feelings, for example, "When you do not warn me that they are delayed after training ...".
b) Description of the feeling that you experience: "... I feel anger, irritation ...", or "... I feel concern ...".
c) Calling the causes of your emotions: "... After all, we agreed that ...".
d) a preferred way out of this situation: "... I hope you will warn me about what to retain."
Competently formulated "I-messages" will help you express our discontent, "pull the steam", make your desires, but at the same time will not be perceived by the child negatively.
Second psychotechnical skill - Support for a child. This skill is the basis of the formation of a child of confidence in itself, strengthens self-esteem. Supporting the child, an adult, focusing on the positive sides of his children, helps to believe him in his strength, abilities.
Support is significantly different from praise. When we praise the child, we evaluate his progress. Support is a child's mark to the child when he finds himself in a failure situation. Thus, the parent gives the child the following message: "I believe in you, in your abilities, you will be able to overcome this difficulty", while the parent relies on its strengths, and does not emphasize the misses.
This can be done using phrases: "I am proud of you," "Remember, you did not work, and you could cope, then this time it turns out," "I'm learning about errors", etc. You can maintain a child with a touch, smile.
And, perhaps, the main technique that parents should learn -this is an active hearing.
In order to correctly communicate with the child, so that he wanted to share his difficulties, experiences, there is a skill, called the active hearing technique. Such a technique gives the child a sense of own importance, need, gives him the opportunity to express their feelings, to sort out the situation himself.
Active listening - This is a complex communicative skill, semantic perception of speech.
The causes of the child's difficulties are often hidden in the sphere of his feelings. Then practical actions - show, teach, send - he will not help him. In such cases, it is best to listen.
What does this mean to actively listen to the child?
Actively listen to the child - So, "return" to him in a conversation what he told you, while denoting his feeling.
Objective of technology - Give the child to understand that in a difficult moment he heard him, it is not indifferent to his problem, he is understood.
Rules of active listening
Rule 1. . If you want to listen to the child, be sure to turn to it face. It is also very important that your eyes are on the same level. Avoid communicating while in another room, back, watching TV or lying on the sofa. Your position in relation to the child talks about how much you are willing to listen to and hear.
Rule 2. . If you are talking to a frustrated or distressed child,do not ask him questions. It is desirable that your answers sound in an affirmative form.For example:
Son (with a gloomy view): "I will not be friends more with Dima!"
Parent: "Something happened ..."
Possible incorrect replicas: "What happened?" "What are you offended by him?"
It would seem, the difference between affirmative and question offers is very insignificant. Sometimes it's all the only subtle intonation, and the reaction to it is very different. Often to the question: "What happened?" The sorry child will answer: "Nothing!", And if you tell me: "Something happened ...", then the child is easier to start talking about what happened.
Rule 3. It is very important in a "keep pause" conversation. After each of your replica is best to get silent. Remember that this time belongs to the child; Do not clog it with your considerations and comments. A pause helps the child to figure out his experience and at the same time fully feel that you are near. Sold out well and after a child's answer - maybe he will add something. To learn that the child is not yet ready to hear your replica, it is possible in its appearance. If his eyes are not looking at you, but to the side, "inside" or distance, then continue to be silent: it happens in it very important and necessary inner work.
Acceptance of the active hearing:
a) promotion . Lies in interest, expressed desire to listen to the child. Here is important goodwill, the lack of evaluation opinions.
Encouraging a child allows you to tune in to a conversation. It can be used non-verbal methods - smile, nodding, a friendly look. And verbal - the words "yes", "continue, please", "I listen carefully", "It is interesting."
b) Repetition. It consists in repetition of a child's phrases, a verbal concentration on the main points of the conversation. The parent need to repeat said to them, confirming that the child was heard "do not want to be friends with him", "You no longer want to go to school." The parent who can repeat the words of the child, makes it clear that he is very attentive to what the child told him and helps him understand his own feelings and thoughts.
c) refinement . It consists in clarifying issues aimed at specifying and finding out something from what has been said. "I understand you correctly?", "You wanted to say it?", "You said it is long. How long has it happening? ". Clarification allows you to maintain the understanding of the feelings and thoughts of the child.
d) sense designation. It is to pronounce the feelings that the child is experiencing "You've been offended by him," "You feel frustrated," "This situation has grown you."
e) generalization. It is to summarize the speech of the child. The parent makes it clear that he had a carefully listened to the child, and understood his main idea "In general, you decided that ..." in our conversation we came to the fact that ... "," from everything I heard it turns out ... "
The conversation according to the method of active hearing is very unusual for our culture, and it is difficult to master it. The development of this technique requires patience from parents, sincere desire to understand his child. However, this method will quickly conquer your sympathy as soon asYou will see the following results:
It will disappear or at least weaken the negative experience of the child. It affects a wonderful pattern: the separated joy is doubled, the separated grief decreases twice;
The child, making sure that the adult is ready to listen to him, begins to talk more about himself more and more. Sometimes in one conversation, a whole ball of problems and chagrins is unexpectedly unwound;
The child himself is moving in solving his problem.
The humanistic principles are based on the considered skills of communication: respect for the child's personality, recognizing his rights to their own desires, feelings and mistakes, attention to his concerns, refusal to the parental position "from above".
Such communication helps to find mutual understanding and increases the effectiveness of joint activities.
Types of traditional parent statements.
Consider the types of traditional parent statements (automatic responses) - real interference on the way of active listening to the child. And also with what the child hears in them.
but). Orders. "Now stop!", "Quickly in the bed!", "Swarm!", "To do not hear it anymore!".
In these categorical phrases, the child hears the reluctance of the parents to be in his problem, feels disrespect for his independence. Such words cause a feeling of cure, and even the remaining "in trouble".
In response, children usually resist, offended, stubborn.
b) threats, warnings . "Look, no matter how worse!", "Once again it will happen, and I will take the belt!", "If you don't stop crying, I will leave!", "You will not come home on time, on yourself!"
Threats are meaningless if the child has an unpleasant experience. They only drive him into an even larger dead end.
The order and threats cause fear of the child, experience, anxiety and insecurity before the will and power of parents.
In addition, any threat or caution as it would "invite the" child to explore its seriousness and reality of its implementation, i.e. Provoke a child to break the ban.
c) morals, morality. "You must behave like that", "you must respect adults."
Usually, children from such phrases do not recognize anything new. Nothing changes from what they hear it in the "one hundred and first time." They feel the pressure of external authority, sometimes guilt and shame, sometimes boredom, and most often all combined.
If he violates the "norms of behavior", then it is worth seeing, does someone in the family behave in the same way or a similar way. If this reason disappears, then, most likely, the other acts: your child "goes beyond" because of his inner unstores, emotional disadvantage.
d) tips, ready-made solutions. "And you take and say ...", "Why don't you try ...", "in my opinion, you need to go and apologize," "I would give delivery in your place."
As a rule, we do not bother to such advice. Moreover, we consider our duty, give them to children. We often give as an example:
"When I was at your age ..." However, children are not inclined to listen to our advice. And sometimes they openly rebel "You think so, and I am different," "It's easy for you," "I know without you!"
What is behind such negative child reactions? The desire to be independent, make decisions yourself. After all, we, adults, are not always pleasant to other people's advice. And the children are much more sensitive than us. Each time, consulting anything to a child, we seem to tell him that he is still small and inexperienced, and we are smarter than it, we all know everything.
Such a position of parents is the position "from above" - \u200b\u200bannoying children, and most importantly, does not leave them the desire to tell more about their problem.
e) proofs, notation . "It's time to know that before eating it is necessary to wash your hands," "Without the end, you are distracted, so you do mistakes," "How many times you told you! I did not obey - the penis on myself. "
And here children answer: "Fall", "how much you can", "enough". At best, they cease to hear us, it arises that psychologists call the "semantic barrier."
e) criticism, accusations . "To what it looks like!", "I didn't do everything again!", "Everything is because of you!", "I wondered for you", "" Eternally you! .. ".
These phrases cause children either active protection: a response attack, denial, crumplement; Either despondency, depression, disappointment and in their relationship with the parent. In this case, a child is formed low self-esteem; He begins to think that he is in fact bad, blessing, hopeless, that he is a loser. And low self-esteem generates new problems.
Let's follow what the child can hear during the day: "Get up", "how much can you lie?", "Look, how you are filled with a shirt," "Again, I did not collect a portfolio", "Do not slap the door, the baby sleeps," "Why didn't again bring the dog again (did not feed the cat)? I myself started, and follow, "again, in the room, it knows what!", "For the lessons, of course, I didn't sit down," how many times it was to soap the dishes, "" I'm tired of reminding the bread "," walking not Will you go, while ... "," How much can you hang on the phone? "," Do you ever go to bed on time?! "
Multipitate these statements on the number of days, weeks, years, during which the child hears it all. There will be a huge baggage of negative impressions about yourself, and even received from the closest people. To somehow balance this cargo, he has to prove himself and parents that he is worth something. The very first and easy way (he, by the way, is prompted by the parent style) is to criticize the requirements of the parents themselves.
What can be saved if the situation in the family has developed in this way?
First and main way: try to pay attention not only to negative, but also on the positive aspects of your child's behavior. Do not be afraid that the words of approval in his address will spoil it. There is nothing more pernicious for your relationship than such an opinion. First, find a few positive reasons for the day for a day.For example:
"Thank you for going to the garden behind my brother," "Well, that you came when promised," I like to cook together with you. "
Sometimes parents think that the child also knows what they love him, so the positive feelings should not be expressed. It's not like that at all.
g) praise. After all the said, probably, unexpectedly and strange will sound a recommendation not to praise the child. To understand the apparent contradiction, you need to understand a subtle, but an important difference between praise and promotion, or praise and approval. In the praise, there is always an element of the assessment: "Well done, well, you're just a genius!", "You have the most beautiful (capable, smart)!", "You're such a brave, you are not necessary."
What is bad praise-evaluation?
First, when the parent often praises, the child soon begins to understand: where praise, there is a reprimand. Praise in some cases, it will be convicted in others.
Secondly, the child can become dependent from praise: wait, look for it "And why didn't you praise me today?".
Finally, he may suspect that you are insincere, that is, praise it from some of my reasons.
h) Tailing, riding. "Plaks", "Well, just a dumina!", "What are you lazy!".
All this is the best way to push the child and "help" to get into himself.
Such statements affect the child's self-esteem. The most adverse effects are the formation of a sense of rejection and emotional rejection, insecurity, a low degree of self-excitation, a defensive-aggressive, hostile position.
In such cases, children offend and defend: "And what, what?", "Well, I will be like that!".
and) guesses. "I know, this is all because of the fact that you ...", "I suppose, it came up again," "I still see that you deceive me ...", "I see you through".
Such statements cause a child a protective reaction, the desire to get away from the contact. And in fact: which of the guys (and adults) loves when he is "calculated"?
k) Distilization, investigation. "No, you still say," "What happened? I still know, "" Why did you get a two again? "," Why are you silent? ".
To resist in a conversation from questioning difficult. And yet it is better to try to replace question deals to affirmative. Instead: "Why are you angry?" - "I feel that you are angry".
l) sympathy in words. Of course, the child needs sympathy. Nevertheless, there is a risk that the words "I understand you", "I sympathize with you" will be too formally. Maybe instead, just to silend, pressing it to him. And in phrases like: "Calm down", "Do not pay attention!", "Nothing, trifles!" He can hear the neglect of his concerns, the denial of the importance of events or the accuracy of his experience.
m) care from conversation success. Son "You know, dad, I can't stand this chemistry and I do not understand anything." Father "How much between us in common!".
Dad shows a sense of humor, but the problem remains. And what to say about such words as "backward!", "Not up to you", "Forever you with your complaints!".
The child feels the emotions of others, needs support, acceptance and recognition by parents. Active hearing is the perfect tool for this. And try to decide on the spot, suppress or justify the problem of the child is the way to conflict!