The author, I loved you. "I loved you: love still, perhaps"

I loved you: love still, perhaps, In my soul has not completely faded away; But don't let it bother you anymore; I do not want to sadden you with anything. I loved you wordlessly, hopelessly, Now with timidity, now with jealousy; I loved you so sincerely, so tenderly, As God grant you loved to be different.

The verse "I loved you ..." is dedicated to the bright beauty of that time, Karolina Sobanska. For the first time Pushkin and Sobanskaya met in Kiev in 1821. She was 6 years older than Pushkin, then they saw each other two years later. The poet was passionately in love with her, but Carolina played with his feelings. It was a fatal socialite who drove Pushkin to despair with her acting. Years passed. The poet tried to drown out the bitterness of unrequited feelings with the joy of mutual love. In a wonderful moment the charming A. Kern flashed before him. There were other hobbies in his life, but a new meeting with Karolina in St. Petersburg in 1829 showed how deep and unrequited love Pushkin was.

The poem "I loved you ..." is a small story about unrequited love. It amazes us with nobility and genuine humanity of feelings. The poet's undivided love is devoid of all selfishness.

Two letters were written about sincere and deep feelings in 1829. In letters to Karolina, Pushkin admits that he experienced all her power over himself, moreover, he owes her the fact that he has known all the shudders and torments of love, and to this day he has a fear before her that he cannot overcome, and begs for friendship, which he thirsts like a beggar begging for a hunk.

Realizing that his request is very banal, he nevertheless continues to pray: "I need your closeness", "my life is inseparable from yours."

The lyrical hero is a noble man, selfless, ready to leave his beloved woman. Therefore, the poem is permeated with a feeling of great love in the past and a restrained, careful attitude towards the woman he loves in the present. He truly loves this woman, cares about her, does not want to disturb and sadden her with his confessions, wants the love of her future chosen one for her to be as sincere and tender as the love of a poet.

The verse is written in two-syllable iambic, cross rhyme (1 - 3 lines, 2 - 4 lines). From the pictorial means in the poem the metaphor "love has died out" is used.

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The poem by A.S. Pushkin "I loved you: love still, perhaps" (Poems of Russian Poets) Audio Poems Listen ...

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I loved you: love still, perhaps, In my soul has not completely faded away; But don't let it bother you anymore; I do not...

Our enamored Pushkin Yegorova Elena Nikolaevna

"I loved you silently, hopelessly ..."

The poet's heart was broken, although this hackneyed phrase is hardly appropriate in this case. Figuratively speaking, the Olenins' house can generally be called “the house where hearts are broken” of Russian poets. In 1809 N.I. Gnedich passionately fell in love with the charming young Anna Fedorovna Furman, who was left an orphan in childhood and was brought up in the Olenin family. Elizaveta Markovna and Alexei Nikolaevich were very kind to Gnedich and advised him to get married, but Anna did not hide her indifference to the one-eyed poet disfigured by smallpox. In 1814, the brooding blue-eyed Anna fell in love with Konstantin Nikolayevich Batyushkov, who returned to Petersburg from the army. The poet's passionate entreaties and the advice of foster parents persuaded Anna to agree to marry him, but she honestly admitted that she could entrust her fate to him, and not her heart. The noble Batyushkov refused to marry. The unhappy love for Anna Furman largely contributed to the development of that mental illness, which he suffered later. Anna married for love only at the age of 30 to a wealthy businessman Wilhelm Oom, lived with him in Revel for several years and, early widowed, returned to St. Petersburg with four small children. To support her impoverished family, Anna Fyodorovna served for many years as the chief overseer of the Petersburg Orphanage. She was still close friends with Anna and Varvara Olenin and was a welcome guest in their homes.

N.I. Gnedich. D. Doe (?)

from the original by O.A. Kiprensky 1822

At the end of 1828, Pushkin, not finding support and the expected understanding in the Olenin family, was deeply disappointed. At the beginning of December, the poet arrives in Moscow, where he receives a letter from A.A. Delvig, who writes: “The city of Petersburg believes your absence is not aimless. The first voice doubts whether you must have left unnecessarily, whether any loss was the reason; The 2nd assures that you went for the materials of the 7th song of "Eugene Onegin"; 3rd assures that you have settled down and are thinking to marry in Torzhok; The 4th guesses that you are the vanguard of the Olenins, who are going to Moscow ... "

However, these are not all rumors about the relationship between Pushkin and the Olenins. When, upon arrival in Moscow, he visited the Ushakovs' house, they already knew rumors about the poet Olenina's hobby and the refusal of her parents. Ekaterina Nikolaevna Ushakova, whom the poet courted after returning from exile, was then betrothed to Dolgorukov. To Pushkin's question: "What am I left with?" - offended by the betrayal Ushakova replied with a stinging pun: "With deer horns." In the album of her sister Elizaveta Nikolaevna Ushakova, married Kiseleva, the poet's autographs, several portraits of A.A. Olenina and the sisters' satirical drawings on the theme of failed matchmaking.

One cartoon shows a flirtatious young lady wearing a dark wide-brimmed hat. Near the hand of P.S. Kiselyov, son of Elizaveta Nikolaevna, the inscription is made in pencil: "Olenina". A lady stands with a fishing rod on the bank of the pond and catches men floating on the surface with a bait in the form of a large beetle. The signature reads:

How to catch a fish

I'm a bait

I will be glad

I’ll have fun

Then - then I'll walk around!

Caricature on A.A. Olenin and A.S. Pushkin in the album El. N. Ushakova. L. 94.1829

On the other side, a man in a top hat and with a cane, according to Kiselev, A.S. Pushkin, and it is written: "Madame, il est temps de finir!" ("Madam, it's time to finish!"). The appeal to Olenina as a married woman suggests the following idea: the caricature contains a hint of Pushkin's fate in the event of marrying her. Here one can feel a roll call with Ekaterina Ushakova's phrase about "deer antlers".

Particularly interesting is the drawing, which depicts a man with sideburns, similar to Pushkin, kissing the hand of a fashionably dressed lady. By the hand of Ekaterina Ushakova, the signature is displayed:

Get away, get away

How restless!

Get away, away, get out,

Hands unworthy!

The depicted caricatured lady with a high hairstyle and small legs is very reminiscent of Olenin, as the poet painted her in the same album. It is characteristic that her handle is folded into a figurine.

Caricature on A.A. Olenin and A.S. Pushkin in the album El. N. Ushakova

1829 g.

However, the events that were fateful for Pushkin on the eve of the new year of 1829 do not take place in the Ushakovs' house, but at the Christmas ball at the dancemaster Yogel, where the poet first meets the young beauty Natalia Goncharova, his future wife. The outbreak of love for her displaced the former feeling for A.A. Olenina. At the beginning of 1829, the poet wrote a wonderful elegy "I loved you, love still, maybe ...", addressed to Anna. The poem captivates with refined romance, beauty and nobility of the described feelings:

I loved you: love still, maybe

It has not completely faded in my soul;

But don't let it bother you anymore;

I do not want to sadden you with anything.

I loved you wordlessly, hopelessly,

Now we are tormented by timidity, now by jealousy;

I loved you so sincerely, so tenderly,

How God grant you loved to be different.

The draft of the poem has not survived, so the exact date of its writing is unknown. For the first time, the poem was published in the musical collection “Collection of Russian Songs. Words by A. Pushkin. Music by Various Composers ”, the censorship of which was received on August 10, 1829. They probably started preparing the collection 3-4 months before it was submitted for censorship, since the notes were engraved by hand, which took a long time. The author of the music for the romance in the collection is "Count T". This is most likely the amateur composer Count Sergei Vasilyevich Tolstoy, with whom Pushkin communicated in the house of his Moscow friends Ushakovs, where both of them were frequent guests. There he could get S.V. Tolstoy poems "I loved you ..." in early January or March - April 1829, when the poet lived in Moscow. The romance was written before the publication of the poems in The Northern Flowers for 1830, probably according to Pushkin's autograph or an authoritative list. The sixth line in the text of the romance read "Now we torment with passion, now we are tormented by jealousy." She was like that in the early version of the poem and reflected the feelings of the poet at the time of writing the poems.

A.A. Venison

Figure: A.S. Pushkin 1828

According to the testimony of the granddaughter of Anna Alekseevna Olenina Olga Nikolaevna Oom, who published her grandmother's diary in Paris in 1936, the great poet included some poems addressed to her in her albums. IT. Oom wrote in the preface to the publication: “Knowing how interested I was in her past, my grandmother left me an album in which, among other autographs, Pushkin in 1829 wrote the verses“ I loved you: love still, maybe… ”. Under the text of this poem, in 1833 he made a postscript: "plusqueparfait - long past, 1833". Having bequeathed this album to me, Anna Alekseevna expressed a desire that this autograph with a later postscript would not be made public. In the secret place of her soul, she kept the reason for this wish: whether it was a simple regret about the past or an affected woman's pride, I do not know. The album was kept in the family of O.N. Oom, in her first marriage to Zvegintsova, until 1917. The presence in it of Pushkin's autograph of the poem "I loved you ..." regardless of ON. Oom was confirmed by the well-known composer Alexander Alekseevich Olenin, the grand-nephew of A.A. Olenina.

When could a poet write poetry into the mentioned album? For almost all of 1829, the likelihood of his meeting with the Olenins was small. In October 1828 Pushkin went to Malinniki, and then to Moscow, while the Olenins remained in St. Petersburg. In early January 1829 he returned to St. Petersburg - they went to Moscow, in early March - he was again in Moscow, and they returned to St. Petersburg. The poet could meet with the Olenins, perhaps, fleetingly on the road, at best at the postal station, where the situation was unlikely to be conducive to recordings in albums. On May 1, the poet went on a southern journey to Arzrum, and appeared in the northern capital only in November. He finalizes the poem "I loved you ..." and gives it to the "Northern Flowers" for publication. At this time, his relations with the Olenins escalated, which resulted in unfair lines in the drafts of Chapter VIII of Eugene Onegin, where A.N. Olenin is called "prolaz" and "zero on legs" (a hint of a monogram), and Anna Alekseevna is a cutesy, squeaky and unkempt young lady, the owner of an evil mind. Why did the poet write this way and even crossed out the Olenins' surname from the mailing list of business cards for the new year 1830? It is not known for certain what caused Pushkin's sharp outburst of negativity: offensive memories that suddenly flooded in, warmed up by someone's tactlessness, ridicule, gossip, slander, or some new misunderstanding. It is unlikely that the reason was the statements or actions of the Olenins themselves, who feared secular rumors that could cast a shadow on the reputation of unmarried Anna. The girl herself, moreover, had no need to speak out in the light on this score almost a year later, when the incident had long been settled. She was carried away by prudent thoughts about the possibility of marrying Matthew Vielgorsky. And there were plenty of spiteful critics and gossips in high society.

This was hardly a serious incident. Having poured out his irritation on paper, the poet calmed down. The offensive lines about the Olenins did not get into Belovik. In the same period, Pushkin painted the above-mentioned wonderful portraits of A.N. and A.A. Olenin in the drafts of Tazit. On January 12, 1830, the poet showed up at their house wearing a mask and dominoes in a cheerful company of mummers together with E.M. Khitrovo and her daughter D.F. Fiquelmont. The latter wrote that Pushkin and her mother were immediately recognized under masks. Then, most likely, the famous poem "I loved you ..." appeared in Anna Alekseevna's album. This translated their relationship into a different plane: Pushkin's love and courtship became a thing of the past.

There are different versions about the addressee of the poem "I loved you ...". Among his possible inspirers are Maria Volkonskaya, Karolina Sobanskaya, Natalia Goncharova and even Anna Kern. However, all these hypotheses are based on purely indirect arguments, and some of them are based on the dating of the poem to the end of 1829, which was adhered to until the discovery of the music collection with the first publication. And it is difficult to attribute to these women, whom the poet was fond of at different times, the 3rd and 4th verses: they could hardly have been disturbed or saddened by Pushkin's love. And to Anna Olenina these lines, like all the others, are quite natural to attribute. The most likely addressee of the poem is, of course, it is she, which is confirmed by Pushkin's autographed recording in the album "plusqueparfait".

In February 1833, Pushkin, together with the Olenins, participated in the funeral of N.I. Gnedich, a close friend of this family, almost a household member. Surely they remembered the lonely poet. An offensive postscript for Olenina could have appeared just then. It is unlikely that on such a mournful day Anna pestered Pushkin with a request to write in her album. She apparently just posted albums for those wishing to record. Perhaps, having written “long past”, the poet realized that the postscript would upset the girl, and in order to soften the impression, he wrote down on the next page, which was still empty, the poem “What is in my name for you…”:

What's in a name?

It will die like a sad noise

The waves that splashed into the distant shore,

Like the sound of the night in a deaf forest.

It's on the memo

Will leave a dead trail like

Tombstone lettering pattern

In an incomprehensible language.

What's in it? Forgotten long ago

In the excitement of new and rebellious,

It won't give your soul

Memories of pure, tender.

But on a day of sorrow, in silence,

Say it in longing

Say: there is a memory of me

There is a heart in the world where I live ...

Here, at the same time, sad notes of farewell to the woman, love for whom have remained in the past, and the hope that this woman sometimes will remember the poet. The poem was inscribed by Pushkin on January 5, 1830 in the album of Karolina Sobanskaya, to whom, most likely, it is dedicated.

Karolina Adamovna, a beautiful Polish woman, Pushkin was fond of during his southern exile. Sobanskaya was, it seems, woven from contradictions: on the one hand, an elegant, intelligent, educated woman, who is fond of the arts and a good pianist, and on the other hand, a windy and vain coquette, surrounded by a crowd of admirers, who replaced several husbands and lovers, and besides rumored to be an undercover government agent in the south. Pushkin's relationship with Karolina was far from platonic, as evidenced by the poet's letter to her: “You know that I have experienced all your might. I owe you what is most convulsive and painful in love drunkenness, and everything that is most stunning in him. " But, as in the case of Zakrevskaya, the feeling for Sobanskaya that flared up again at the beginning of 1830 was short-lived and could not overshadow the tender love for Natalia Goncharova and the desire to unite fate with her, which came true in February 1831.

After his marriage, Pushkin almost never visited the Olenins, but met with them at balls, official receptions and on walks in Tsarskoe Selo, where his dacha was located not far from the dacha of this family. Despite the cooling between A.S. Pushkin and A.N. Olenin, the relationship between them cannot be called hostile. In December 1832, Alexei Nikolaevich replied with unconditional consent to the election of the poet as a member of the Russian Academy of Sciences, where they later met at meetings. In 1835, Pushkin agreed to a letter from Alexei Nikolaevich about donating to a monument to the translator of the Iliad. In 1836 Olenin warmly introduced the poet to the sculptor N.S. Pimenov at the autumn exhibition at the Academy of Arts. Pushkin continued to communicate with other members of the Olenin family. It is believed that in the 1830s the poet visited the house of Pyotr Alekseevich, the son of A.N. and E.M. Olenin, a participant in the Patriotic War of 1812. In 1833 P.A. Olenin retired with the rank of general and settled with his wife Maria Sergeevna, nee Lvova, in the village of Borissevo, Novotorzhsky district, Tver province, where the road from St. Petersburg to Moscow passed. Pyotr Alekseevich was a very nice person, a talented amateur artist. Pushkin could also meet with him in the Mitino estate near Torzhok, which belonged to the Lvovs, the parents of his wife.