What if my relatives constantly teach me about life? My husband constantly teaches me how to live, finds fault My new husband constantly teaches my children
Answers (8):
If he doesn't like how you do, let him do everything himself, he would also compare you with his mother, how is it possible, he didn’t just marry you, so he should like everything that you do, I think you need to be serious talk, and not scandal and figure out what is the reason for such an attitude.
I get angry and start to freak out because he doesn't help me in any way around the house and never prepares food. But at the same time he points out and teaches me as a small child how, in general, one can be silent in such a situation.
I would never tolerate this, and I certainly would not be silent. Try to explain to him in a rather clear, harsh even form that you are already a big girl and do not need to be taught wisdom all the time, and if your husband does not like the way you did something, let him do it better. Mine once also told me something similar, I answered him this way - that's it, since it cut off. If you don't like it, do it better and the conversation is over. But if you can't do it, be quiet.
In our family, there was an attempt to build relationships in such a way that there is an elder who teaches the younger, but I immediately said that I did not want to listen to any complaints about myself. If my husband is clever, I say, let him do as he sees fit - he is afraid of this, because he knows that he will not do it himself, and falls silent.
I would not tolerate, and would have expressed everything to him, or even better I would have told him not to follow me, but rather to look after himself, and finally screw in a light bulb (for example) !!! , so the whole life will pass with nagging !!! You live once! and this time in life you need to live with dignity, and not with a rag! In general, I heard that if a husband began to find fault with everything, then he has a mistress! Think about it! And do not be afraid of me yourself and life around!
Hello! please help me to understand the difficult situation for me .. I am 18 years old. the thing is that we have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months (this is the first such long-term relationship for me and for him), we love each other very much (he shows tenderness to me, constantly confesses his love, often gives flowers, is faithful to me). But practically from the very beginning of the relationship, we began to have painful quarrels (resentment, anger at each other, and recently even name-calling from him), which worries me, or rather us (he is also worried about quarrels). The fact is that my young man is almost 3 years older than me and for a long time has already been living separately in his own apartment, unlike me (I live with my parents). When I come to him, he does not allow anything to be touched and done with him, if I do something, then he constantly does not like it ... when we agree on joint matters, then everything should be as he planned, as he says "you do not think, but do as you say", motivating this with my inexperience and that he will do everything much better and smarter ... I am greatly offended by this position "do not think!" ... it looks like a vicious circle - I want to do everything , so that he liked it, but I can't do it all the time .. I do it wrong again, because I deeply think about what needs to be done and skip some details. At the end, at the end, I'm already afraid to do anything, I'm afraid of his anger and insults ... and when I don't do anything, he says that there is no help from me. On his initiative, I quarreled with my friend, we now do not communicate. I try to defend my point of view, but by nature the person is soft and he confuses me and it seems to me during conversations that he is undoubtedly right. He says that he will listen to me when I earn his authority, but how can I do this ????? my boyfriend has stereotypes that I don't like - why you need to sit straight on a chair, why you need to eat bread without breaking it, why you can't be relaxed on the street, talk to sellers in stores - I don't pay attention to how "everyone did it people"?? yes, I live with my parents and I don’t have to fully think about the difficulties that my boyfriend is facing. But even so, my parents brought me up quite well: I do everything around the house myself, I can cook (to a decent degree, only when I do it with my boyfriend, I’ll get out of my hands ...), for the summer for 15 years in a row my sister and I went to the village to visit our grandmother and there we were taught to be unpretentious, hardworking, not to depend on our parents; I often left without my parents on trips with peers and everything was fine with me, my independence was praised. During the time that we were together with the young man, I have changed - a feeling of worthlessness appeared ... so I can’t do anything .. I’m really bad .. I don’t sleep at night, I don’t want to do anything, apathy, constantly depressed state (I SO want to smile!) .. and with him and without him I feel equally bad .. he has already worked in many places, and I only once, and just study at the university. I can’t understand whether he or I is right, I’m already so confused WHAT DO I DO ?! I do not want to be without him, he is dear to me, supports me and helps. With him I feel protected, he is a real man, I'm not afraid to live with him !! Recently my mother was diagnosed with cancer of the 4th degree, my mother is the closest person to me .. I somehow survived the news of the disease. I'm afraid to be alone! I have a father who, of course, supports me (but we have no spiritual connection with him) and an older sister who loves me, but I hardly see her - she has a free lifestyle ... I practically have no friends. and my young man is always with me, we spend more time with him, I am glad to think that someone needs me! I want to be with him, I am confident in him, he tells me that he will not leave me and he needs me. I had no shortage of male attention to my boyfriend (someone was constantly courting me, calling and inviting me), but I want to be with my beloved. Can you please tell me what to do? How to improve relations with a young man, how to do everything "right" and not be afraid anymore ??? how to earn his authority, what to do for this ??????? I feel so bad...
The family union of any marriage begins with feelings called love. At the same time, not all partners remember that respect becomes a strong foundation of the family hearth. After all, feelings will change their strength of manifestation, go through global transformations, and respect will remain an unshakable basis for maintaining love.
A frequent complaint of the female half of the audience to their companions is the question of what to do if the husband does not respect and appreciate his wife, how to behave, what advice from a psychologist? Is this assumption true for each stated phrase: "he does not respect me"? It’s worth lifting the curtain and seeing what the disrespect's scenery hides.
A man usually loves women whom he respects; a woman usually only respects the men she loves.
Therefore, a man often loves women who are not worth loving, and a woman often respects men who are not worth respecting.
Vasily Osipovich Klyuchevsky
A false sense of disrespect
Respect is accepting the personality traits, character traits, values, opinions and actions of another person as meaningful and important. Only in this case is it permissible to assert that the partner values his other half.The origins of women's disappointment in men are in their own unjustified expectations. Both partners expect specific behavior that will be consonant with personal ideas about living together.
It is good when these ideas are adequate and do not border on fantasy. When expectations are unrealistic, the problem is rooted in the girl's exaggerated claims, rather than in the disrespectful attitude of the “offender”.
I want to feel special, but my husband does not respect or appreciate ...
False women's expectations lead to a subjective sense of disrespect, including:
- Utopian expectations of a fairy tale and an obsession with romance.
A man will not carry in his arms, serve breakfast in bed and cover the bed with rose petals. Not all male souls are so sensual, moreover, the period of falling in love passes, and the production of endorphins and oxytocin ("love hormones") decreases. - Expectation of constant spending time together.
Male nature is laid down that the spouse is a predator and a getter for his own. Assimilation to an obedient pet is contrary to natural instincts. - Expectation of eloquent praise and compliments.
On the contrary, they are "silent" because they are guided by the prevailing left hemisphere, therefore they analyze and reflect more than they speak. - Expectation of the prevalence of affection and tenderness over sexual interests.
Male sexuality is more intolerant due to physiological characteristics and basic need for sex. - Expectation of attentiveness to personal family dates, trifles and details.
Here it is a matter of the peculiarities of the functioning of higher nervous activity. Guys think concretely, practically, globally. If the birthday of your beloved, it is important in which month, and the number itself will approach. - Expectation of the division of responsibilities for raising children equally.
It seemed like a natural wish. But the father is focused on the financial and practical side of providing comfortable housing, decent education, leisure, recreation and other benefits.
Reasons for a husband's true disrespect for his wife
True manifestations, when it can be said with certainty that husband does not respect or appreciate his wife, are considered:- Authoritarian behavior.
- Criticism, constant monitoring.
- Not accepting the needs and desires of the wife.
- Lack of interest in the problems and life of the spouse in general.
- Lack of assistance, denial of the right to rest and free leisure.
- Infringement of material and financial resources.
- Insults, rude communication and the use of psychological, physical or sexual violence.
- Sexual betrayal ().
Reasons for a husband's disrespect for his wife:
- A revised model of behavior from the parental family.
- Imitating family communication style with someone who is an authority for him.
- Childhood psychological trauma.
- Pronounced character accentuations (negative personality traits that are on the verge of norm and pathology), egocentrism.
- Devaluation and disrespectful attitude of the wife.
We will devote a separate paragraph to the last reason, the most frequently encountered.
If the husband does not appreciate his wife: “show attention and respect to him” - psychologists recommend.
The main recommendations of a psychologist on what to do if the husband does not respect his wife can surprise the female audience. For a man to appreciate his wife, it is enough for him to demonstrate an alternative respectful attitude towards him. In this case, the method of mirroring is triggered: "you shout at me - and I shout, you respect me - I respect you."
How to deal with a husband who doesn't respect his wife: basic tips
- Accept the power of a man as the head of the family, his authority and leadership.
Both spouses can apply for leadership status. But in men, the need to dominate is historically inherent, and if a man strives to be the leader, he will not give in and will resist his wife. - Communication is respectful, without shouting and insults, from a position of equality.
An invaluable quality of a woman is calmness and self-control. Not every girl can be proud of her emotional restraint. This trait alone will attract male respect. - Make his decisions without criticism, do not disparage his intellectual abilities.
A man needs approval of his ideas, actions and undertakings. The systematic counter-criticism hangs the labels: "the husband is stupid, the wife is smart." After all, the female trump card is beauty, and the male one is the mind. - Appreciate his courage and sexual potential.
It is important to show a woman's weakness, to give a man the opportunity to use his strength. Sex should be an accessible and natural privilege in family life, not a promotional carrot. - Share achievements and victories.
Small success, reinforced by the approval and praise of his wife, will motivate him to a big victory. - Acceptance of the environment (friends, relatives, colleagues), interests and personal space, leisure.
Spouses do not become one, their personalities do not merge into one. Therefore, these areas should be separated. Both partners have the right to personal leisure and freedom. By showing interest and approval in personal space, not only respect for the husband is demonstrated, but also trust (this also applies to personal items: gadgets, notebooks, social media accounts). - Highlight and emphasize its merits.
There is not a single ideal person in the world. The partner is also no exception, but there are things that he does especially well. The habit of regularly emphasizing such merits will provide a good fuel for maintaining self-esteem.
Respectful woman image
Everyone will agree that, for example, a hairdresser with unkempt hair does not inspire professional confidence. Likewise, a spouse claiming priority positions in her husband's life list must maintain an appropriate image.
Let's talk about this in more detail:
1. Image and style
The inevitable fate of the fair half is that a woman should always be beautiful, stylish, neat, regardless of the status of a housewife or a business woman. The beloved always wants to see a stylish, attractive companion next to him.2. An exemplary mother and hostess
These archetypal notions are still relevant in our day of gender equality. The husband appreciates the keeper of the family hearth, he is pleased to return after a hard day's work to a clean house in which well-groomed children run around, and a hot dinner awaits on the table.3. Desired mistress
A woman is appreciated who fills with sexual energy, awakens desire, creates intrigue, and not just, allowing her to fulfill marital duty in moments of well-being.4. Professional self-realization of a woman
Not a single, even the most executive, housewife will command as much respect as a woman with a specialty, position, professional duties. She needs a profession for the development and formation of a self-sufficient personality, and men are attracted by female independence.5. The wife's desire for self-development
The second half should be interesting to his partner, he should see her obvious strengths, the desire to develop himself and improve. Few people will be interested in a plump housewife obsessed with sales and promotions in online stores.Conclusion
Family life is not always smooth, beautiful rhythms. You have to play in four hands: if one starts to get lost, the second one gets lost, and you have to start playing the melody again. It is important to always start with yourself: accept your husband as a constant life partner, trust him, be equal and show interest, respect to be respected.And what of this, dear women, have you done today? Some advice from a psychologist on what to do if the husband does not respect and value his wife a little. Start with personal changes.
Life can be compared to a school where every day a person learns something new. One of the most important lessons is love. Any person facing fate is not accidental. The Universe wants you to be able to comprehend a new truth, learn something important with the help of a relationship with him. Today we will talk about women, in whose life any man comes not by chance, but with the need to complete certain programs and realize karmic tasks.
Fig. Any men come into a woman's life for a reason!
What types of men can come to life and what does this mean?
Worthy man
This concept is relative, it can be interpreted only based on the characteristics of the life and character traits of a particular woman. If for one lady a man is worthy, for another woman he can be a punishment from above or, conversely, a gift of fate.
Dear women, remember that only those men whom you deserve at the moment are attracted to your life - this is the inviolable law of the Universe.
For example, if only weak-willed men enter your life, this is not a bad or good sign. This is just a fact that shows which man your heart is open to now.
Tyrant
If you got along with a man who is endowed with an authoritarian character, it means that your understanding of what is allowed and what is not has been erased. You need to re-learn to listen to yourself. Otherwise, you will finally become a victim. The desire to stay with such a man says that a woman feels abandoned, forgotten by everyone and deeply unhappy.
Living with a tyrant, a woman victim is destined to learn how to defend herself, defend her own interests, respect herself, restoring the structure of her personality. But for this it is necessary that she felt a strong mental pain. A man with a different temperament would not have taught her to listen to herself.
Jealous
The emergence of a desire to associate life with a pathological jealous person indicates that a woman's sexual energy is incorrectly distributed. Experts are sure that a jealous man will never appear with a lady who knows how to manage her sexual energy. Tip: get distracted, engage in creativity, this will help direct energy in the right direction and problems will disappear by themselves. Do not postpone the decision of the issue of working out your sexuality on the back burner.
Liar
If a woman is “lucky” to connect her life with a man who constantly “feeds” her with promises, but does absolutely nothing, inventing various excuses, then the Universe says: “Appreciate yourself!” Fate, as it were, signals that a woman needs to stop adapting to a man, to play by his rules.
Even if after a while a lady meets a really worthy man who dearly loves her, she will still meet with the fact that she will not be appreciated. Indeed, in the subconsciousness of a woman there is a program “Adapt to a man”. We urgently need to get rid of such a program.
Alcoholic / drug addict
A woman pays attention to a man suffering from a certain addiction for a reason. This means that she is destined to learn a certain life lesson. Consider how a woman behaves when she is next to such a man. There are two options: she is the poor girl who is the most unlucky. Or she is constantly "nagging" the man, killing decisiveness and masculinity in him at the root.
What does a man with an addiction teach a woman? His behavior says that, having trampled on the female nature, has ceased to be inherently what she was born with. A man kills his body with the help of alcohol / drugs, thereby, as it were, reflecting the behavior of a woman. Such a man was sent to a woman so that she would stop running away from reality and be responsible for the events taking place in her life.
The weak-willed "mama's son"
The appearance of a "spineless" man in a woman's life suggests that she is used to holding the reins of government exclusively in her own hands. A woman cannot but be a commander, she always scolds a man for any reason, teaches life, controls every step. A relationship with such a man should teach a lady to trust men, allow them to make important decisions, protect and provide. It is important to learn that you should not try to change the chosen one, you need to listen to him, try to understand and find a compromise.