Female silence. Why should you worry if your woman is silent? When a woman is silent

We are talking all the time about how it is right, how it should, how not. Knowing the laws is very important. It is necessary. And saves many lives. But it is also important to remember that fanatical and blind adherence to the rules is harmful. A woman needs to close her mouth. It's true. Instead of reproaching her husband, scolding him, calling him names, comparing, nagging. It is imperative to close it - so as not to destroy the relationship, so as not to humiliate the man, so as not to break him. Correctly and in time, a closed mouth prevents scandals, swearing, fights.

But a woman should not completely close her mouth. I will not even talk about the diseases that develop due to the swallowing of grievances and the silence of anger. I'm only talking about relationship illnesses. When we try to put up with everything and endure everything, terrible things happen. We kill our love. We ourselves destroy in ourselves not only the very feeling for our man, but also the opportunity to revive this feeling.

Just an example. If you like sweets - for example, ice cream, and will only eat them ... In how many days will you feel bad? In how many days will you stop wanting it? And can you then want to again?

This is what happens to women. I want to be good and patient. Accept everything with gratitude. And is silent. And inside is a storm. Storm because you want a separate home. Or certainty about his work. Or a child. Or flowers. But you never know what a woman wants! He wants - and is silent.

Rejecting her desires as shameful, hindering her and her husband. How much God gave - so much I need. And he suffers.

But she doesn't understand the consequences. One day her patience breaks down. And she can no longer physically bear this man next to her. It can't at all. At the same time, she can also love and respect him. But to be with him - never.

As much as we love sweet things, all six tastes are important - just like in food. Sweet, sour, astringent, bitter, salty, pungent. A balance of six flavors gives satisfaction. So it is in relationships. We need not only joys, but also the coexistence of difficulties, crises, joint grieving and even an outburst of quarrels and conflicts. Everything must be balanced. For our own health.

I know several such examples personally. Such nice girls trying to build the perfect marriage. Deceiving everyone around with his happy look, hiding his desires and dreams inside. Pretending everything is fine. And even for my husband it came as a surprise that nothing was good. Has never been good. That for the sake of a good picture, she gave up herself. And all these years, hatred was accumulating inside - for myself and this image. And to the man next to whom she behaved like that.

And they leave. They, good, perfect, leave on their own. First. Sometimes - to someone. And to someone not so perfect and wonderful. And to the usual, next to which it is permissible to breathe, cry and even suffer from a headache. And sometimes they go nowhere. They leave in search of themselves. Herself, lost the moment she chose to be silent.

I remember a conversation with a man whose wife left after eight years of marriage. They never fought, and he was shocked. She took a small suitcase with things, two children and left. She left a note that she could take the children for the weekend. As if she just went out for bread. And no matter how hard he tried, she never came back. She said that something inside her had died, had broken.

And it turns out strange, right? To be silent or not to be silent? To speak or not?

• Open my heart to my husband about everything.

Especially about what is scary. If you cannot tell your husband everything you feel and think, this is a signal badge. Something is already wrong. You are already insincere. You are already cheating on both of you. You are already giving up a part of yourself - in the form of your feelings or thoughts. Even if it hurts him or you - speak up. Choose words, time, place, but speak. Talk about what you don't like, what is causing you pain, anxiety. Don't expect approval, support, help. Usually the first time for a man such a woman's behavior is a test.
We are afraid to open our hearts, because he will see us vulnerable, with a practically naked soul. It will be much easier to hurt. And besides, he will see that we are not perfect. And he can get disappointed, stop loving, quit ...
In practice, silent wives are usually less attractive, and relationships with them are more superficial. This is not even a relationship, but an appearance of a relationship, a kind of picture of an ideal family, inside which there is emptiness and loneliness. Loneliness, into which a woman drove herself with her silence and desire to be perfect.

• Speak so as not to hurt.

That is, there is no need to scold him, insult him, nag him. Talk not about him, but about yourself. It's not his fault that you feel this way. Chances are, this is how you feel, and therefore he does what he has to do. You are depressed, he - without realizing it - is angry. Choose words, place, time .

• Talk about yourself.

I feel bad. I don't understand myself. It's hard for me. I'm in a panic. I'm upset. Think of books about child education, how you need to explain to a child what he did wrong. And apply the same to your husband. He is the same person. Not accusations, but "I-messages".

• Be direct about your desires and dreams.

No need to put ultimatums - "either me or your mother." No need to press. Talk openly about what you want - separate housing, kids, creativity, support. And do not expect to be given all of this at once. The main thing here is permission. Talking about this, you begin to allow yourself your own desires and dreams. This does not mean that they are now mandatory for execution and you are following it. You just allow yourself to want what you already want for so long. But you pretend you don't want to. Why only?

• Don't gloss over conflicts.

Do not allow everything to come back without a conversation after a quarrel. Speak. Say how difficult it was for you, hard. Talk about your feelings. You should not pour out all your worries only to your husband - go to an older friend, a priest. The husband may not be able to withstand such a flow. Ask your spouse for forgiveness. Accept his apology. Discuss topics that triggered the fire.

• Admit it honestly to yourself. You are the same as everyone else.

You go to the toilet. You are angry. Are you jealous. You are jealous. You are crying. You are scared. You are an ordinary earthly woman, just as vulnerable, illogical and emotional. And everyone around you is the same. Cover girls farts and don't look as fashionable in the morning as they do in a magazine. So stop making yourself a marble ideal idol - “The Ideal Wife”. Nobody needs it - the monument is cold and solid. And your husband needs a warm and loving wife. Not ideal. Alive.

• If they don't listen to you or you don't know how to speak yet, write letters

It is impossible to be completely silent. But sometimes the husband is not ready to hear something. Then sit down and write him a letter. And then decide for yourself - to send or not.

One of my acquaintances could not solve the wedding issue with her husband. Ten years together. Two children. But he won't marry. Doesn't hear her. At least go away.

And then she started writing letters to him. About their experiences, worries. Paper is easier to open. About why it is important for her, why she needs it. And how it hurts her to hear the refusal. As if she weren't his princess. Many letters were written. But she put one of them in his work briefcase.

In the evening, the husband was unusually quiet and silent. He looked at her strangely. She had already had time to get scared what he thought of her and who he mentally called her. But she decided not to react to the changes. Live as before. And two days later she received an answer. Letter on the kitchen table in the morning. About his fears and worries. About how he is afraid of losing her. She sobbed right there, all morning. And she didn't say anything to him in the evening. She was thoughtful and quiet.

And a few days later, an envelope was waiting for her on the same table. With a ring. And in one phrase - Do you still want to marry me?

The letter is universal. It can be rewritten, thrown away, corrected. You can think about it, choose words. And so it's easier to convey your feelings. And it's easier to open up to paper than to your beloved eyes, especially if you need to confess something.

And don't be silent. As soon as the woman stops talking, everything starts to fall apart. This is a warning sign if you cannot or do not want to open up to your loved one. Before it's too late - stop putting up with and trying to seem perfect. Speak. Stay true to yourself.

Because once the accumulated snowball of resentment and discontent can cut your way back to your beloved husband.

December 10, 2015 14:02

By Fabiosa

Men live in an unreal world; they live in a world of their own fantasies. And one of those fantasies is a silent woman.

Many men believe that the ideal woman should be silent. They diligently paint the image of an ideal life partner who will be silent and agree with everything they say and will not ask unnecessary questions.

In their distorted perceptions, men accept a woman's silence as a sign of her love for him. They think her unwillingness to argue with him is a clear sign of her loyalty and closeness.

They do not understand the main thing: if a woman is silent, then she is up to something.

elitedaily.com

Women are naturally uncharacteristic of a stoic attitude towards life according to the principle “be silent and do not tell anyone what you feel”. They need to express their feelings and discuss them - they become silent about something only when they are about to end it.

Stoicism is a sign of indifference. But if a woman argues with a man, then this can be taken as a sign of her love for him.

If a woman loves, she will fight for a man, even if she seems to be fighting against him. If she is indifferent to him, then she will save strength for more important things. Why bother with someone you don't care about?

If she can just calmly observe, then she can leave just as calmly.

Women often talk a lot, caring about men, wanting to suggest something for their own good. A motherly note in every woman makes her surround him with care and help her beloved correct mistakes. She sees the problem and tries to find a solution. If a man is indifferent to her, she can calmly observe how he is drowning in his own mistakes.

If a woman is silent, then she is not going to maintain this relationship.

Otherwise, why quarrel with someone with whom you are not going to be for long? Why waste time and nerves crying over an argument that you don't really want to win? If a woman stops arguing and allows a man to do whatever she wants, then she is already halfway to quitting.

If a woman easily lets go of controversial situations, then she will just as easily let go of a man.

Women are used to fighting to the end like good soldiers. They will continue to fight hard, even if they begin to drown in the maelstrom of their own words. A woman who is not in love will indifferently agree and let go of the situation, and after a while she will just as easily let go of the man. She didn't care because the man became indifferent.

If a woman is happy all the time, then she has someone.

There is no perfect relationship. It doesn't happen that people who live together or spend a lot of time together are always in a good mood. We are doomed to sometimes anger each other, even if not for long. If a woman is always happy with everything and never gets angry, then most likely she is hiding something. A woman who is always happy with everything is one who feels some kind of guilt. Of course, this is not always the case, because every relationship is individual, but this is a fairly common explanation for her indifference.

If a woman does not want to express emotions, then she is not saying something.

If a woman does not reveal her feelings to a man, then she probably saved them for someone else. She is clearly not in the mood for a serious relationship with a man to whom she does not try to explain her feelings.

If a woman does not care about everything, then she is not going to build a serious relationship.

If a woman behaves cold and indifferent, then she simply ignores the man. There are no cold women - each loses her cold-bloodedness if the right man comes across. Sooner or later, the heart of any lady can melt.

If relationships are important for a woman, she will be upset every time something goes wrong or something will threaten them. If she doesn't care what will happen to the relationship tomorrow, she will never take any problems in them to heart.

Translation: Marketium

Specialists in visual psychodiagnostics say that speech is only a third of human communication. Everything else is facial expressions and behavior. And some scientists still firmly believe that we are descended from monkeys. Hence the antics and adherence to various sign systems.

Women's psychology. Relationship psychology. Understand a woman

A man watching

If a woman is silent, you should not draw early conclusions. The stronger sex should take a closer look at the details. From the point of view of facial expressions, signs and gestures, each part of her body lives an independent, conscious life, while constantly sending signals and hints. An eyebrow alone can curve into seven different configurations, each of which means something.

Often a man is interested in only two parameters of wordless understanding: the depth of the neckline and the height of the skirt. And while he, the poor man, measures these two concepts, drooling, perhaps he should look in the face. A barely noticeable arrow-like wrinkle in the middle of his forehead makes it clear that nothing is shining for him. And vice versa: instead of snorting offendedly at conservative maxi and orthodox golf under the chin, you can at least once look into wide eyes. What if they are drowning in the abyss of desire? Just a favorite skirt thirteen centimeters high and the topic have not yet had time to dry after washing.

Woman laughs

She knows that a sparkling mouth framed by a bud of wet lips, like a magnet, attracts a man's gaze. Unless, of course, her dentist takes his money for a reason. Such a smile is a sign of openness and makes even the most modest-looking accountant erotic.

If a woman laughs, then she can have as many reasons for this. For example, a label on a new blouse, which just strives to drive its mistress to madness.

The woman casts passionate glances towards the man

This is the most commonly used technique for flirting. A glance or two, especially if accompanied by a smile. All this is multiplied by wet eyes and a drop of dew on the lower, slightly inflated sponge. This means one thing - I want! That's just what - it's a question.

A man, of course, cannot believe his own eyes. First, he tries to guess how drunk the woman is. And then, what to do with all this happiness?

Often corrects her hair

He wants to show that she is attractive. Shamelessly begs for a compliment. The man, naturally, does not understand anything. His courtesy is enough to offer his shampoo and try to scratch her head himself, since his fingers are stronger.

By the way, most women are sure that it is better to "correct" blonde hair than other colors. It seems to them that in this case men will take the hint more effectively.

Woman licks lips

Oooh ... It's serious. If five minutes ago she did not eat jam pies, then she definitely wants to be kissed. And note: not on the cheek and certainly not at all on the forehead. It's time for action.

The woman looks at close range

Frankly makes it clear that he admires a man. A hand-picked specimen, her eyes say. In such circumstances, you do not need to splash water on a woman, shout "are you all right?" or try to overlook her. Climb kissing is also not worth it. She is in aesthetic prostration. You need to quickly remember all the romantic poses, and then, having chosen one of them, and stand there until she starts to lick her lips.

Woman pretends to leave

Do not fit with a kick. It's too early to rejoice. In fact, she uses every opportunity to speed up the acquaintance, before it's too late.
The man is with her in the cafe. She tries to get up. Then you can offer a sixth cup of tea. Refused? But she didn't call him a curmudgeon either? Not everything is lost. We quickly tell the autobiography in the creative manner of Alexandre Dumas and suggest finishing the rest of the tea at home. If she still wants to go out after that, maybe she just needs to go to the toilet?

Woman folds her legs crosswise

She wants to appear sensual, for which she draws attention to the sexual parts of the body. This is also true when she plays with a chain around her neck, rubs her hips or waist.

If a woman does this periodically before she tries to leave or stare, she may be at work. Or the legs are very long, and in the expanded configuration they somewhat shock the man with their swing.

A woman moves to the beat of the music, stamping her feet

Wants a man to ask her to dance. For this you need to be at least in a nightclub. In another place, for example, in the subway or in a minibus, even the bright followers of Freud's immortal work will not understand her hint.

« Accidentally”Bumps into a man, after which he looks for forgiveness and smiles, as if admitting his guilt.

A man can be sure: she wants to draw attention to herself. But which one depends on what she came across and what exactly. If head to head, then prefers intellectual relationships. If in the area of \u200b\u200bthe diaphragm, he clearly shows off his bust or tries to knock a wallet out of his inner pocket. If in the waist area, then the man will not be at all up to distinguishing the signs. He will have stars in his eyes.

In theory, the main signs of female symbolism are simple and understandable. In practice, it is sometimes difficult to understand them, even if high-flying intellectuals get down to business. And all because a woman is an actress. Giving one sign, she can have time to change her mind, and already occupy her head with others. Conclusion: maybe it's better to ask again if something is not clear?

Many men are surprised at the female addiction to conversation. A woman can, according to a man, talk for hours about anything with her friend on the phone, and this can still be tolerated. But when a woman starts talking to her beloved man, while constantly jumping from topic to topic, his brain begins to melt. Many men cannot withstand such psychological pressure and directly ask a woman to keep quiet. But what threatens her wife's psyche with her silence ?!

In one of his lectures Ruslan Narushevich touched upon this topic, and I decided to focus your attention on it, because, in my opinion, this topic is very important. Indeed, without communication, two people cannot build harmonious relationships.

When he says ...

Male Yang energy is energy directed from the inside out, the energy of action. If a man began to speak, it means that he has already thought everything over and is ready to reveal the necessary information. If this is a proposal, then 95% of it has already been accepted by him internally and he is ready to implement it. "I'm going fishing with friends on Friday." But the woman has a chance, albeit not a big one, to convince him.

Conclusion: A man speaks when he has something to say.

When she speaks ...

The female Yin energy is energy directed from the outside inward, the energy of conservation. When a woman begins to speak, she is not yet fully aware of what exactly she needs to say. She tries to isolate the essence from all her verbal flow and realize it.

Why is this happening? Because in women, both hemispheres work at the same time. On the one hand, logic works, on the other hand, the emotional background and experiences are included. Thoughts are mixed with feelings, and in order for clarity to appear, a woman simply needs to dump it all out, look from the outside and see the essence.

If a woman offers something, then she is 5% sure of it, the remaining 95% of clarity is suggested to be obtained by joint discussion. Therefore, if the wife says, "Maybe we can go to my mom on the weekend?" it is not a call to action, it is a call to start a discussion about where else to go.

Conclusion: A woman speaks in order to UNDERSTAND what she wants to say.

Why doesn't he want to listen to her

Reason 1. Not understanding the differences. A man, by analogy with himself, associates you with the porridge that is stored in your head. If a woman (in his understanding) expresses what she is, then it is generally not clear how she exists, and how he can live next to such a person!

Reason 2. Physical aspect. In men, only one of the hemispheres can work at a time. Therefore, either he is in the domain of logic, or in the domain of feelings. When a woman dumps her feelings on him along with logical arguments, doubts, fears, his brain is not able to track what they want from him. He is physically unable to cope with mental overload. Male logic offers an immediate solution to the problem, but it is not even clear to a woman whether there is any problem in general!

What is she unhappy with

When a man gives her a decision on the verbal flow of a woman, he considers the conversation over. “I'm so tired at work! - Well, so quit. ”The decision is given, go and do, what else is needed? But the woman remains dissatisfied. She came from the outside world full of new information, she is in confusion trying to understand what is happening to her.

A woman just needs inner clarity, both at the level of logic and at the level of feelings, which she can find only in dialogue with another person. And when a loved one refuses her, she has to restrain her impulses, while feeling internal discomfort. If this situation is repeated from day to day, then irritability, pickiness and grumpiness will become constant companions of such a woman.

What can all this lead to

A woman with a lack of communication (with family, girlfriends, spouse / man) feels lonely, unloved and completely confused. Every day it becomes more difficult for her to understand what is happening with her feelings and thoughts. This leads to depression, loss of interest in life and in yourself.

What can he do for her

By listening, a man gives a woman the opportunity to understand herself! Dear men, do not try to analyze and draw any conclusions from her speech: "Why does she say this, what she wants from me?" This is the biggest mistake. Just let her flow of words, sometimes giving the woman feedback so she doesn't think she's talking to nothing. You are like a wall that reflects the ball thrown into it back, allowing the player to develop a hand.

It will be very useful active listening skillwhen you repeat the last key phrase, clarify whether you heard it correctly or use a paraphrase (trying to repeat key points in your own words). But even if you just nod your head periodically, it will already have a result. Through a conversation with you, a woman will be able to untie the tangle of thoughts and feelings, comprehend it and discard the unnecessary.

Understanding and acceptance

Understanding does not mean that a man needs to see at first glance what is going on in a woman's soul. Although this skill is also quite useful. If a man really understands why talking is so important to a woman and how much happier it makes her to be able to talk to him, then conversations centered on herself will bring satisfaction to both partners.

Can a friend replace communication with her husband?

Some of the men may say: "If she needs to talk, let her talk to a friend." Of course, communication with a friend is a very useful activity. Although it may also happen that after communicating with a friend, the wife also brings her experiences with her, which is why she will finally get confused in herself.

In this situation, communication with an older and experienced woman can help. And here it is not about her ability to give advice, but about her wisdom and desire to just listen. A mother can become such, but not all mothers are able to listen to the experiences of their own child without getting involved in the experiences themselves, without taking responsibility for their daughter's life.

Magic in 30 minutes a day

I am sure that any man, knowing that he is accepted the way he is, will certainly tell the woman about his thoughts and doubts. If he does not want to speak at the moment, then he feels that he is not accepted with such thoughts, or he really has nothing to say yet. Therefore, it makes no sense to terrorize your beloved man with a cloud about how his day passed every minute.

For a woman, the opposite is true. She wants you to ask her in order to understand for herself, but how did her day go. She wants questions not only about facts from her life, but about her feelings and experiences. Ask and listen to it with understanding for 30 minutes a day. Any woman will appreciate it!

Example:

M: - How was your day?
W: - Oh, so many things. There is such a fuss at work. Then I went shopping for lunch. Then Masha called, well, do you remember that friend ... (and then blah-blah-blah .... Aha ... blah-blah-blah .... Aha)
M: - You were satisfied with the communication?
W: - No, you know, some unpleasant aftertaste remained after the conversation (and then blah-blah-blah ... Aha ...)
M: - Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? (stroking the back)
W: - Yeah, just hug me please, I'm tired of something (her shining eyes and sincere gratitude)
It's simple. A man may ask why not immediately ask for a hug and omit the conversation stage? And because without a conversation, a woman would not be able to understand that this is what she needs now. Maybe next time she will need your advice.

"What if I'm not married?"

To independently come to your own peace of mind, do not deny yourself easy communication with friends over a cup of tea or with an older woman (mentor, godmother, someone's mother, psychologist, teacher). And the main thing in communication is not a desire to receive advice, but a real opportunity to look at what is going on inside you. Don't be afraid to sound chatty. Being a cheerful chatterbox is much nicer than being a disgruntled grumbler!