Tips on how to love your body. Captured by the ideal: how to love your body. So maybe it's time to stop and think about what we're doing.

Modern women receive education and build careers on an equal basis with men. They set world records, sit in parliament, and run successful businesses. At the same time, they do not lose their femininity and strive to feel confident. But not everyone succeeds easily. The main reason for insecurity is dissatisfaction with one's appearance. Some believe that their nose is too big, others rely on short legs, and still others dream of enlarging their breasts. And this is not to mention the fact that most women certainly want to lose extra pounds and look slim and attractive. Young women are haunted by such concepts as “ideal facial contours”, “elastic body”, “thighs without cellulite”. They are ready to go on grueling diets, spend considerable sums on surgical interventions, cosmetic procedures, anti-aging creams, dietary supplements, etc. And all for the sake of looking like the skinny beauties from billboards and glossy magazine covers. How to love your body and appearance? Maybe it's time to stop being obsessed and love your natural self?

It all starts from childhood...

Many girls' complexes arise from dissatisfaction with their body. Look around, you probably have a friend who is unhappy with her upturned nose, freckles or slightly puffy ears. But for you this does not seem critical at all, but is its distinctive feature and even adds to its attractiveness. Why then so much dissatisfaction with yourself? And why do we sometimes mistake our “peculiarities” for “shortcomings”?

Psychologists say that insecurity and complexes are formed in childhood. A stupid phrase from parents, “You’re not a beauty, but you’re so smart,” a proud statement, “Your ears are like our old woman Valya,” or a mocking “Your nose is like a pig’s snout,” can hurt a girl. Firstly, it is always very important for a girl, both small and big, to be beautiful. Secondly, comparison with even a beloved and respected relative can frighten her. She looks at her kind, but already old grandmother and cannot understand why they are so similar. Is she really the same? Or will it be the same? Any comment about appearance is quickly remembered by the child and leaves an imprint on self-love. Sometimes little girls are already worried that they have a “snub nose”, “crutch legs”, “protruding ears”, etc. As you grow older, jokes from friends, classmates, and classmates add fuel to the fire. As a result, the girl will develop a complex about her appearance or figure. As a result, there is an eternal race for beauty and the far-fetched idea that all failures in one’s personal life are due to appearance.

“Love yourself for who you are” is good advice, but it may seem simple only to those who feel perfect. Statistics show that about 80% of women lack self-confidence due to their body type and appearance.

If you constantly associate your next failures in your personal life or at work with your appearance, it’s time to look at yourself from a different, yet unfamiliar side!

Stop comparing yourself to others. The more a woman compares herself to the standards of beauty imposed by society and the fashion industry, the more flaws she sees in herself. If, while flipping through magazines, you really compare yourself to images of models, put the gloss aside and calm down. There are only 2% of women in the world who meet “today’s standards.”

Don't discuss your shortcomings with your friends. A study by one American youth magazine showed that all conversations about appearance immediately lead to dissatisfaction with one's body. Believe me, others do not see your shortcomings the way you see them. And why discuss this, it’s better to talk about something really interesting.

Look at yourself in a new way. Try replacing the word “disadvantages” with “features”. You don’t have plain eyes, but elegant eyes, and a kind look, too. How you treat yourself is how others will treat you. If you feel comfortable in your body, others will see you as a confident and attractive woman.

Be grateful for what you have. Having standards prevents us from accepting ourselves as we are. Try to forget about generally accepted stereotypes and think about what you can be grateful for in your body. Yes, yes, we are grateful! Science has long proven that words and thoughts have magical powers. If you start and end your day with gratitude for everything that nature has given you, you will begin to look for new advantages in yourself. After all, in order to give thanks, you need to know yourself and your strengths. By repeating this simple technique every day, you will notice how your vitality and your attitude towards yourself gradually changes.

Take care of yourself. Perhaps the most effective way to love yourself is to start taking care of yourself. Train yourself to massage your hands or feet every night, or at least apply lotion to your skin after showering. Human nature is designed in such a way that everything on which he spends a lot of effort and time becomes dear to him.

Tidy up your hair, face and body skin, get a manicure. Tons of cosmetics will not make you more beautiful, it is enough to highlight your eyes and add blush. This will make you look bright and fresh!

Sort out your wardrobe and see how suitable your clothes are. Maybe it's time to buy yourself something new and get rid of old things and clothes that are no longer suitable for you. It doesn't have to be expensive and fashionable. The main thing is that you look neat and tidy.

Scientists conducted an interesting experiment. They selected 100 photographs of women of completely different builds and types. 100 men were asked to select only 3 photographs of the women they liked most. All the photos were chosen, there was not a single woman who went unnoticed. This simple experiment proves that the image of the “glossy standard” is imposed, and every woman is beautiful and charming!

By accepting one's appearance, a person automatically becomes more confident in himself, psychologists say. But how can you love your body the way it is?

Loving your appearance with all its features, wrinkles and folds is easier said than done. It seems that today, when we are surrounded on all sides by photographs of “ideal” models and celebrities, this is especially difficult to do. We understand that a whole team of makeup artists, stylists, photographers and lighting technicians worked on their images, often created just for the sake of the photo. We know that the shot was chosen from hundreds of other, less successful ones. And yes, we also remember the miraculous power of Photoshop. And yet, many of us find it difficult not to compare ourselves every now and then with the flawless heroines of photo shoots that the media and advertising billboards readily palm off on us.

So, it is almost impossible to fully comply with modern ideals of beauty. Why, even understanding this, do many still strive for this? “Perhaps because beauty in our society is equated with success,” says psychologist Larisa Karnatskaya. - Whether we realize it or not, a person who is attractive in appearance gives us the impression of being successful and in demand, even if in fact this is not the case. That’s why it’s so important for many to live up to the imposed ideals.” Not being able to look the way society dictates can take a toll on your self-confidence. “After all, acceptance of appearance is the basis on which our self-esteem is built,” recalls Larisa Karnatskaya. - The formation of self-confidence begins in childhood with a good relationship with one’s own body. And later other components are added. That is, first: “I am beautiful.” And only then: smart, talented, kind..."

Women feel more pressure than men. And teenage girls are especially susceptible to worries about their appearance. For example, an international study conducted by the Dove brand in 2005 showed that 92% of girls would like to change at least one aspect of their appearance. At the same time, the majority (60%) are dissatisfied with their weight, despite the fact that in reality only 19% are above normal. “In adolescence, when an identity crisis occurs, it is especially important to feel “right” physically,” comments the psychologist. “That’s why girls are especially dependent on the opinions of others.”

HOW TO LOVE YOUR BODY?

1. Move more. Dance to your favorite music, go for a walk, or do anything else that makes you happy. The better you feel your body, feel its strength and mobility, the less dissatisfaction you have imposed from the outside.

2. Find old photos of yourself that you like. If at that time you were dissatisfied with something about your appearance, and now you realize that you looked very good then, then try to reconsider your attitude towards the way you look. Is what you focus on really bad? It will be a shame only a few years later to discover that you looked good today, but spent a lot of energy being dissatisfied with yourself instead of enjoying life.

3. Thank your body. It has been through so much! She worked, did housework, and possibly carried a child. Wouldn't it be strange if it always remained the same as the retouched bodies of models in magazines?*

Wellness coach Nadya Andreeva suggests doing a simple exercise: write a love letter to your patient, reliable, silent body , with whom you live your whole life. Below is an example of such a letter written by one of her clients.

“My dear body!

I want you to know that I continue to be amazed by your strength and endurance. Over the past 18 years, that is, almost half of your entire life, you have endured constant violence against yourself. You bravely endured 12-hour shifts in forty-degree hot kitchens, bending over, lifting and carrying all kinds of heavy objects and hot objects. During all this time, you have never let me down.

For all your hard work, I repaid you with constant burns and abrasions, many late evenings with too much fatty food and alcohol, and not enough rest.

There was also a time when I subjected you to painful procedures and pumped you full of unnatural hormones prescribed by doctors. I should have been a stronger advocate for you and pushed for a more comprehensive approach rather than a quick fix. I would have to spend time on this and find a better solution.

I also have good news for you. Someone loves you very much! This wonderful, generous man insisted on giving you the opportunity to take a break and get some rest.
I hope it's not too late, because I would like to make up for what I missed. I started playing sports again - it will make you stronger and ultimately happier. I have learned to listen and understand what you need, and I give you food accordingly. So much of my life has been spent feeding others and ignoring you! It's time to focus on healthy, nutritious food for you. In fact, I want to ask you one more favor. I'm sure you already know what I'm talking about. I will need your incredible strength to help our family grow.

I have scars, so I will never forget everything you have already done for me. You and I still have many amazing years ahead of us, and I am committed to treating you with love and kindness. I am grateful to you for our journey together and look forward to the future.
With love,

Text: Olga Muradova

There will always be a girl whose impeccable figure will make you sigh: “I will never have one like that...” We are forced to compare ourselves with the standard, without explaining at all why this is necessary. Is it possible to stop feeling complex about your appearance and finally accept your body? About a year ago, one of the popular Internet diaries posted photographs of two girls in swimsuits: one of them wore size XXL, the second - XXS. The blog owner asked a provocative question: “If there were only these two girls left on Earth, which one would you have an affair with?” Although male opinions were divided approximately in half, there were enough commentators who wrote something evil like “you can drown in this fat” and “I’m not going to throw dice.” And the point here is not a craving for an ideal body - its standards change regularly: now large, now small breasts, now thin girls, now curvier girls, now an absolutely smooth body, now covered with hair in certain places, come into fashion. Another important thing is how susceptible we are to imposed standards and allow our lives to be subordinated to them. “Public pressure has recently been expressed in advertising of various products that allow you to lose weight, magazine covers on which very slender models appear, television shows where obese women are presented as something unusual, atypical, funny,” comments consulting psychologist Irina Sergeeva. — This pressure can provoke both the desire to get closer to model sizes at all costs (even at the cost of one’s own health), and protest behavior when a woman, realizing that she will never achieve the ideal, abandons her body altogether and stops caring for it. This is also not good for health and self-esteem.”

Attraction researchers have spent a lot of time and money to find out why and in what cases we actually like each other. For example, the following experiment was conducted: a group of men were asked if they had money with them and how much, and then they were shown photographs of women of various sizes. Those who had little money chose large ones, those who prudently filled their wallets with banknotes were interested in petite girls. The same thing happened in the case when some of the subjects were properly fed before the experiment: well-fed men preferred thin ones, hungry men preferred fat ones. The conclusion here can be drawn as follows: a man who feels “on a horse”, who at the moment does not need to get food and finances, feels the need to take care of a small and thin woman - it seems to him that she is not able to get food for herself. In case of his own vulnerability, he will unconsciously choose a large girl who gives the impression of being strong and capable of taking care of both food and offspring. Of course, there are overweight women who cannot take care of anything at all, and tiny ladies who look like a tank from the inside, but this becomes clear upon closer acquaintance. Evolutionary psychologists explain our preferences by genetic memory - ideas embedded in us during the primitive communal system. For example, there were always and almost everywhere fewer women with blond hair and blue eyes than dark ones, and since then gentlemen have preferred blondes. Another fact explains why women with a slight waist are rarely successful: the male brain reads this as “she is pregnant, which means she is busy” and does not show interest. And if the waist to hip ratio is 0.7, a woman will be attractive to the opposite sex regardless of her weight. But other studies challenge the ideas of evolutionary psychologists. The experiment, when subjects were shown a photo with one brunette and five blondes and men called the brunette the most beautiful, confirmed: a person is attracted not by a specific hair color, but by rarity. And the fact that among popular models lately there are often girls with a trumpet-type figure, that is, without a clearly defined waist, also suggests that the attitudes inherent in us by nature do not always work.

Everything changes

“Every culture has ideas about which body is beautiful and attractive, and which is ugly and repulsive,” says analytical psychologist Vera Efremova. “The perfect body is just a myth that usually expresses someone’s interests.” Body evaluation criteria change over time, develop, some become a thing of the past, and the idea of ​​a perfect body is gradually transformed. “In a society where the bulk of the population is engaged in physical labor, a strong, muscular figure indicates belonging to a low social class,” continues Vera Efremova. - A pampered body in this case is a sign of belonging to those groups that are free from the obligation to do hard work. With the development of technological progress, the role of hard physical labor decreases, and these rules of interpretation become a thing of the past.” How the standards of, for example, the female body have changed can be judged by painting from the Middle Ages to the 19th century, where admiration for a full, well-groomed body is noticeable, and by modern fashion magazines, in which fragility and thinness are idealized. The basis for the idealization of large bodies was the attitude towards food: the ability to eat well and regularly spoke of high status. When hunger is no longer a problem for the majority, the cultural norm is transformed. It becomes prestigious to be lean and fit, demonstrating a balanced diet with expensive and healthy food, spending money on sports activities and expensive procedures to maintain a figure. “A trained body is a modern symbol of success, self-discipline, and the ability to organize your life,” adds Vera Efremova. “And vice versa, excess weight becomes a symbol of a certain inferiority, a sign of laziness, weak character and disorganization.” The condition of the skin, nails and hair is also added to the condition of the figure. They are important in the presentation of one’s body and show a person’s desire to spend effort, time and money to get closer to the ideal image created today mainly by advertising. Modern standards of beauty may change slightly under the influence of some actors or characters. For example, millions of big-mouthed girls are grateful to Cameron Diaz for her existence, and after the release of books and films about Harry Potter, bespectacled people stopped being teased and began to be admired. However, the creators of films and commercials still tend to pander to public taste, rather than develop it: therefore, slender, muscular protagonists will accompany us for a long time.

Childhood impressions

From a very early age, a child forms an idea not only of his real body, but also of his ideal one - first from relationships with his mother and loved ones, then from a wider social circle. “The baby’s mother, communicating with the child verbally and non-verbally, caring for him and stroking him, determines his boundaries and sends him some information about the body,” says Vera Efremova. — Positive emotions can be transmitted - joy, admiration, but also negative ones - fear, anxiety, dissatisfaction with the body. In the first case, this will cause the child to experience his own well-being, in the second - anxiety that the physical may upset and frighten. In the future, such emotions may form the basis for not accepting one’s own body.” By about six years of age, a child develops a clear image of his body. At the same time, social requirements for the physical aspects of a child’s development become clearer: whether he is selected for a sports section, a dance studio, to participate in various children’s events, whether physical disabilities and diseases are identified - all this affects his self-image. “I remember how as a child, at about four years old, my mother took me to the gymnastics section,” says Lisa (26). “They forced me to do a few movements, and then the trainer said with regret: “Flexible, but not stretched.” My mother took me home with a disappointed face, and for the first time I felt that something was wrong with me.” During adolescence, we put together all the ideas about ourselves, and one of the most important is the image of the physical “I”. The teenager analyzes whether (and on what basis) his peer group accepts him, whether there is interest in him from the opposite sex, how this relates to his physical development, and so on. “I was 13 years old when my photograph was published in the school wall newspaper,” says Lina (24). “A classmate came up and, looking at the photo, said: “Well, you, Linka, and a cow!” It was as if I had been hit - before these words I didn’t think I was big, but from that moment I realized that I was very different from my classmates, that I different." Presenting his body image, a teenager compares it with generally accepted standards of beauty, attractiveness, health, while evaluating others, comparing himself with them - and drawing conclusions about the compliance of his own body with social standards.