How to hint to your husband that you do not have enough attention. What to do if your husband does not notice you: the secrets of a wise relationship. And the magic word

Not enough attention from your husband? Today, many women face this problem. According to statistics, almost every woman who is married or has been in a relationship for more than two years complains of a lack of attention.

From the point of view of psychology, this is explained by the fact that only after this time does the man begin to feel stability in the relationship. As a result, many members of the stronger sex stop devoting time to romance and focus on convenience and practicality.
At this moment, women will begin to lack attention from their husband, while he does not even understand what exactly his wife is complaining about. After all, he thinks that everything is just wonderful in a relationship.

In this case, many women hope for the help of a psychologist and come to him for an appointment with their spouses. In turn, the husband's complaint is that he does not understand what the wife is talking about and what she wants in general.

difference in perception of attention

Not everyone knows that the concept of "attention" in the understanding of a husband and wife is usually very different.
So, in the male understanding, attention is special actions that can bring at least some benefit to a woman. For example, give your wife a vacuum cleaner, take her to work, solve some problems for her, give her salary, or simply allocate some money for purchases.

As a rule, most of the attention is paid to a woman's attention in this way. Moreover, the man believes that the more he helps his beloved, solves her problems, gives money for the purchase, the more attention he paid to her. At the same time, women think differently. No matter how long a woman has been in a marriage or relationship, she will not become more practical. Throughout their lives, women want romance. Moreover, most of them retain their slightly childish charm and spontaneity until the most advanced years.

According to the woman, attention is praise at the right time. At this moment, a woman feels that she is loved and desired, that she is admired. Attention for a woman is also holding hands when you are just walking down the street. Attention is the appearance of a smile on your face and a gleam in your eyes at the sight of it. It is also your ability to always stand up for her and stand up for her, even if the situation was not so threatening.

It's even just a text message in which you tell a woman how much you love her and how beautiful she is. This is a gift that, even if it does not bring any benefit in everyday life, but it will emphasize its beauty and femininity. It's also the toilet seat down, the dishes washed, and the mess in the house cleaned up. Moreover, the latter is not only attention, but also a manifestation of care at a time when a woman is very tired. It's just the ability to take and do her job at least once for her without any comments. Because she is so tired.

Attention for a woman - it does not wear global character. Rather, it is something insignificant and romantic. Little things that most do not even pay attention to, but which make up our whole life. Attention is, first of all, work on relationships, in which the participation of the husband is often not enough.

Men, don't try to bring only practicality and stability into a relationship. As a rule, a woman in such an environment quickly becomes bored and, as a result, she begins to feel a strong attention deficit. She no longer feels like a muse, loved, desired and the right woman. That's when she tells you that she lacks attention.

Women, feel free to talk about what you don't like in a relationship, ask for what you want so badly and what you lack. Do not scold your husband, because he cannot read your thoughts and guess about your desires (by the way, if you're interested,). At the same time, he definitely wants to understand his beloved and make her happy.

The main thing is to declare your desires calmly, while speaking not in hints, but as specifically as possible. Only in this way the tension between the panthers will pass, and harmony will appear in the relationship. Knowing these elementary differences in female and male psychology, and applying this knowledge in practice, you can become truly happy.

Important nuances

In addition, it is important to mention also a special type of women. Women who always lack a husband. And it doesn’t matter how much time a man actually devotes to her. She will never be enough. The fact is that for most women, relationships come first. They think about them day and night, they discuss them with their girlfriends and analyze them endlessly. In the same time for men, relationships are somewhere in third place. The first one is usually work. This may also be the root of the problem..

Thus, women for whom relationships become the meaning of life will never receive enough attention from their husbands. It's just physiologically impossible to do. Simply because a person is not able to satisfy such an abnormal passion of his partner. Ideally, a person should be a versatile person. That is, he must have different goals, hobbies, etc.

And all this should be built in a special hierarchy. Something will take first place, something second, and something in general last. As a rule, there is a certain connection between all these affairs and interests, which can be easily calculated if you want. A person has such an attitude throughout his life. Its main function is protective. So, if a person did not succeed in something in one area, then he will know exactly what will definitely work out in another.

For example, failures at work are easily compensated for by calmness in family life. At the same time, if there is a problem in a relationship, then a person always has friends who will listen and support him. This means that the presence of several goals, desires and hobbies in a person is quite normal and only testifies to his rich inner world. It is noticed that such people are the most psychologically stable.

But, unfortunately, there is a special type of women who limit their inner world and begin to get hung up only on the object of their passion. And here many of them are waiting for a blow. After all, if a person has only one entertainment in life - an attitude, then this, as a rule, does not lead to anything good. After all, they lack many emotions. Entertainment is considered good only when it brings a variety of emotions to a person. Somewhere it forces him to tense up and concentrate, and somewhere to relax and laugh.

Let's take skiing as an example. At first, a person experiences a rather strong fear, after which he is replaced by delight and pleasant excitement, and as a result, joy and fun. It can be considered perfect entertainment. At the same time, if entertainment for a woman is relationships, then she will subconsciously do everything to diversify them, perhaps even provoke a scandal and thus worry, cause an adrenaline rush. This type of woman will never get enough attention from her husband, no matter how much they teach him.

Such a woman will constantly suffer. She will sit all day long on the Internet and climb on forums, asking questions there and cursing with her interlocutors. Perhaps she will write a huge poem or a pitiful post in social network, and then he will go to make tea, and after a couple of minutes, forgetting about him, he will start writing SMS messages to a man about how rude and heartless he is.

After that, she will drop calls, because he remembered her only at the moment when she reminded him of herself. In general, this miracle lady will have a great time. All this time she will experience deep emotions, which will change each other all the time.

But this relationship will not become happier. As a rule, men quickly get bored with such behavior of a woman, and they simply run away from them. That is why men are usually healthier. After all, from regular hassle and immunity weakens and sleep is disturbed. As a rule, after parting, such women find themselves a new “victim”. After that, if the woman does not change, everything repeats according to the previous scheme.

And here a completely natural question arises, what to do in this situation? Get on with your life. Start spending more time outside of relationships. Dedicate yourself. Do something nice for yourself. Go shopping or sit in a cafe with your friends.
Naturally, one should not completely forget about the man. Just try to enrich your life with other interests.

After this stage is completed, the problem will disappear by itself. Moreover, as a rule, this happens suddenly and unexpectedly for the woman herself. Moreover, a man who previously avoided communication with this woman will most likely begin to look for reasons to spend more time with her. Marvelous? But it's true. And all because the wife now knows what to do with herself except as a man.

In general, relationships in a couple develop most successfully if the relationship in importance for both partners takes second place, and work comes first. So, if the wife does not get enough attention from her husband, it will not hurt her to also think, or maybe it’s not him who thinks a little about her, but she thinks a lot about him. Not a single normal man can withstand a relationship in which he is the only consolation for a woman, and everything else is perceived by her as an obstacle to happiness.

In order for the relationship to become happy, try to balance the relationship with raising children, work, recreation, sports, etc. This means that the relationship will improve only if the woman understands herself. If necessary, you can always come to an appointment with a specialist and then use the advice of a professional psychologist.

Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!

“I don’t know how to tell a man that he pays little attention to me. He can disappear for a few days and this is in the order of things for him. He writes every day, then he suddenly calms down and you won’t understand whether he wants to continue the relationship or not, ” writes Valentine.

“How to tell a man that I am offended by his behavior. We have been together for a long time, but our relationship is frozen in place. At first there were talks about marriage, now he no longer returns to this topic himself. Possibly mine, Elena writes.

One of the most frustrating experiences you can have in a relationship or marriage, especially if you've been together for a long time, is feeling like you can't openly tell a man what's bothering you. It just empties and sucks the life out of your relationship.

Also, at the beginning of an acquaintance, when many women are afraid to “frighten off” a man they like and keep silent about their dissatisfaction, hoping for the best, there is a feeling that they are investing too much in the development of relationships without receiving an adequate feedback.

Reasons why women are afraid to tell a man their opinion

In my practice, I communicate with a large number of women and have noticed interesting fact. While some women can be open and honest with a man, others just don't have the courage to speak their mind.

The difference between some women from others immediately catches the eye. Women who are afraid to tell a man what they think do not realize their personal value and uniqueness. They need someone to feel valued, and for them, losing the attention and interest of a man is equal to devaluing themselves. They are afraid to receive a negative assessment of a man, they are afraid to cause his discontent, they are afraid to lose him, because their self-esteem and self-worth depend on him.

Many women make relationships the main meaning of life and completely concentrate on them. Indeed, research shows that the quality of a relationship determines a woman's quality of life and attitude. But it is also important to have your purpose and your meaning of life outside of relationships. This is your calling, your self-realization, your self-development - everything that is the basis of personal value. If there is no meaning and purpose outside of the relationship, it will be difficult for you to remain confident and emotionally independent from a man.

Here I want to emphasize right away that each case is unique and difficulties in expressing one’s opinion to a man may have other reasons. Perhaps you simply lack certain communication skills, or you cannot react quickly and articulate your thoughts clearly right away. The reason may also be patterns of behavior adopted from the parental family, when openness was not encouraged. If you want to deal with your problems on an individual basis, you should already seek help from a specialist in your place of residence or use my Skype consultations.

Three tips for telling a man what's on your mind

So, how can you say what's on your mind and soul without fear and apprehension?

There are 3 factors that matter when we talk to someone about something important to us.

This is our mindset, our strategy and the words we use. If you use at least one of these factors incorrectly, problems, misunderstandings and conflicts begin.

Use these 3 factors and yours will start to change like magic!

Here is the most common example. A woman is fed up with the lack of attention from her boyfriend or partner. But she knows that if she starts talking to him about this, she will provoke a war of the sexes and make everything worse. What to do in this case?

The first is the right attitude.

For example, if you need to work something out in a relationship, before starting a conversation, take care of your mood, which is now most likely negative, you expect the worst and focus on the negative traits of a man. Your mood is transferred to your partner. He feels your critical attitude and does not want to meet you halfway.

You must first see opportunities to develop and improve your relationship. Set yourself up for a positive wave, for opening up new perspectives, switch to the positive qualities of a man and build on all this. Move in small steps, notice and encourage even small movements.

Another example. Suppose you need to dot the i's in a relationship because the current situation is unbearable for you. Here you already need the attitude to be decisive, to clearly follow your line, to be ready to continue your journey without a man if he does not want to change the situation. Your mood will be transferred to a man, he will understand that you will not sacrifice your happiness for the sake of his convenience.

The second is strategy.

If you're not getting what you want, then it might be time to change your strategy. Whatever you do, if that doesn't work, try a different approach.

It often happens that we firmly believe in the effectiveness of some strategy. And if it does not bring results, we continue to persistently apply it with a vengeance. Such strategies wander from relationship to relationship without benefit, but women still stick to them, because it is very difficult to change their beliefs.

For example, often women, in order to get what they want, use veiled complaints, hints, reproaches, tears as the main strategy. What if we try differently?

State what you really want. If you want more attention, maybe you can offer something specific and tangible, instead of complaints, hints or direct claims?

Or another example of a strategy that I also often encounter in my consultations. A woman hides her desire to start a family so as not to frighten a man and pretends that she is ready to meet or even live together without obligations. For many, this strategy does not work, but they stubbornly continue to follow it. Perhaps you should change this strategy and are not afraid to state your conditions.

The third is words.

See what words do you use?

You have chosen the right attitude and strategy, now it is important to put them in the right shape.

For example, you can say: “You never do anything romantic, you never get flowers!”

Or you can say: “I would like to spend some time alone with you, it would be great if you could find time for a romantic date just for the two of us and surprise me with some surprise. I enjoy it when you are romantic with me!”

Why is it important to be able to tell a man about your priorities

The other day I met in a cafe with my old friend. She has just stopped difficult ones that have been going on for many years. As I went to the meeting, I prepared to see a heartbroken woman in need of my support. But my friend looked calm and confident.

“I, probably, for the first time in my life, openly expressed to a man everything that I think, calmly and reasonably. And now I feel such relief, such a surge of strength, as if I found myself again! I know that I would rather be alone than live in the shadow of another woman on the sidelines. I have become more confident in myself,” she told me.

If you are afraid to tell a man about your priorities and beliefs, you will not be able to choose the right man, because by talking about what we want, we not only build relationships, but also check compatibility with a partner. The sooner you find out that you and a man come from parallel worlds and your priorities in life do not intersect in any way, the sooner you will discover opportunities for finding a truly suitable person for you.

Let's talk again about the situation when a man devotes little time to his wife (in her opinion, of course).

I wrote a lot about this situation, but the topic is rich, it’s impossible to cover everything, so we’ll deal with it in parts.

I'll start right away with a tough thesis - there are women who will always miss attention from a man. Even so - ALWAYS. Whatever a man does, no matter how hard he tries, for such women his attention will always be insufficient.

What are these women? Many, very many.

Wow! ... Here, the tough thesis is expressed, the readers are outraged (the readers are probably happy), it's time to reduce the intensity of passions and understand everything in detail.

For women, relationships come first on the list of priorities, while for men it comes third (business comes first).

Actually, this is the reason for the constant lack of attention from a man (here I take an average situation; we do not consider a situation from a joke where a wife meets her husband in a gas mask, and he does not even notice this, we do not consider).

Making your relationship with a man the center of your life (and many women do), it is simply impossible to get enough attention from him. Purely physically impossible. One person cannot satisfy such a passion of another person.

Let me explain. Normally, a person is a versatile person. He has different needs, motives, goals, interests, hobbies. They are all arranged in some (rather conditional) hierarchy. The connection between them is complex, not always easy to calculate - this is normal.

Such a complex inner world (let's call it all that) appeared in a person for a reason. Among other things, such complexity makes a person stronger - if it didn’t work out in one place, it will work out in another. Failure and disheveled feelings at work brighten up a happy married and family life. Yes, at work the boss scolded, subordinates let him down, suppliers set him up, customers did not pay ... But at home - the children are cheerful, the spouse smiles, hugs, supports.

And if it doesn’t work at home, there are friends / girlfriends with whom you can discuss all the most important topics.
Friends unavailable? There are macrame and tank models that you can tie-glue and admire your creation.

No macrame and models? You can go swimming or running.

In general, it is normal for a healthy person to have several goals, motives, needs, and so on, in general, a rich inner world. Such possession is very useful, because it strengthens the psychological well-being of a person.

Alas, there are people (and now we are talking about those who are women) who somehow narrow their inner world to one person. Work, interests, tank models and girlfriends - it's all subordinated to one. Namely: happiness next to this man.

And everything would be fine, but such focusing leads to an unpleasant bias - such a woman has only one entertainment left in her life. Relationship. This is inevitable - the rest is not important, not interesting, gray when compared with relationships.

And here we (and the mentioned women) are waiting for a blow.

If relationships are the most great fun in life, these relationships will never be good. Because entertainment is good only when there are different emotions - somewhere to be scared, somewhere to strain, somewhere to be happy.

Look at the sledding downhill. It's scary at the beginning, exciting in the process, fun at the bottom. Here's some great fun. If a woman's relationship is the only entertainment, she will diligently make it worse - so that it is more exciting, so that there is something to worry about. Everything, as in the title of the note, - such a woman will never have enough attention from her husband.

She will suffer that she has little attention, will scour the Internet and will definitely stumble upon Zygmantovich, ask him a question in the comments, quarrel with someone in the same place, write a big post on Facebook, but erase and go to make tea, but forget about him, bursting into tears at the window from his unhappiness, then he will write a text message to the man that he does not appreciate her and in general her life is terrible, then he will drop his calls, because he, such a bastard, insincerely remembered her, and before that he didn’t even think to call .... In general, our heroine will have a wonderful time. Full, lively, emotional.

Only happiness will not increase - a man will very quickly run away from such a relationship. Those who are stronger in spirit will simply leave. Who is more clumsy - will die (in literally, from the eternal hassle, his immunity will weaken, and there any infection can become fatal).

And the woman will be left alone. Then she will find herself a new man and again narrow her whole world down to him alone. Further - according to the well-known scenario.

What to do with all this? The answer is obvious - to take care of your life too. As one young lady elegantly put it, when she put this advice into practice, “I began to spend more time outside of relationships, more for myself.”

Of course, this does not mean that you need to forget about a man and only go shopping, for example. This means that in life it is worth doing all kinds of things, and not just a man.

And then - suddenly! - the problem of lack of attention will weaken, or even disappear altogether. Even more - a man who previously tried to avoid communication (for example, lock himself in the toilet) will begin to strive for this woman, look for opportunities to be together. Such is the paradox. And all because a woman is engaged not only in him, but also in her life.

Remembering the list of priorities, where men have business first, and women have relationships first, we can say this: it would be much better if both had relationships in second place. This would greatly simplify and improve the life of this couple.

Well, as a summary, brief and extremely categorical.

The point of the note is simple. Does the husband pay little attention to the woman? This woman needs to get on with her life. And then many women have nothing but relationships. No man can survive if he is a woman's only consolation, and everything else is just a hindrance on the way to him. The man either dies or runs away.

In order not to lose a man, it makes sense for a woman to balance relations with him with other goals, motives and interests - work, children, girlfriends, hobbies, practices, activities, and so on. And plus it is worth developing psychological stability - so that a man is not a savior for a woman. Then it will get better.

And I have everything, thank you for your attention.

Perhaps every second woman who has been in a permanent relationship or married for more than two years speaks of a lack of attention.

According to statistics, it is after two years of marriage that a man manages to feel some stability in your couple, so romance ceases to play a big role for him, and convenience and practicality take the lead in his actions and deeds.

It is at this moment that the woman begins to talk about the lack of attention, and the man cannot even imagine what she is talking about and what exactly she means. Indeed, in his understanding, everything is fine in your couple or family life.

In dealing with my male clients, I very often hear that they simply do not understand what kind of attention a woman is talking about. Let's figure it out together :)

It is in the understanding of the meaning of the word "attention" that the differences in the psychology of men and women are again revealed.

For example, from a male point of view, to show attention (after a certain period of cohabitation) means to do something global and useful for a woman. Bring a salary or give a significant amount of money for expenses or personal purchases, take a woman on business, meet her from work, solve some of her problems or important issues, protect her from communication with various authorities or services, give an ironing board or a vacuum cleaner for a holiday etc.

Often, men direct all their efforts precisely to this aspect of understanding “attention” to a woman in a relationship. It seems to them that a more significant act or a more useful and practical purchase for a loved one or their general needs they commit, the more attention they give.

Women's psychology is completely different ... With each year they live together, a woman does not become more practical, as it happens with a man. Romance does not fade away in her, and she is able to maintain a special, somewhat childish charm and spontaneity until very old age.

Attention for a woman- this is a well-timed compliment, this is your ability to admire her as a WOMAN. It's how tightly you hold her hand as you walk down the street together. This is your smile and enthusiastic look from her appearance. This is your ability to protect or intercede for her in time, even in the most trifling situation. This is an SMS or a letter by mail with the words: "I love you, you are so beautiful to me." This is an impractical gift or surprise that highlights her feminine side or your feelings for her. It's the toilet seat down, the dishes washed up, the things put away. This is a manifestation of your concern in a situation when she is tired. This is your ability to just take and listen to the end of everything that excited her so much today - without unnecessary comments and advice.

Attention in the female sense does not have a shade of something global. It is rather something romantic, and it consists of daily trifles, which are called working on relationships and feelings, and which men so often forget about.

American psychologists cited the following as a vivid example of understanding attention from men and women. Imagine that for everything you do for each other, you give marks from 1 to 10.

Let's see how a man puts marks. For example, he bought a ticket to a new unknown country - 10 points. He hung his things in the closet and washed the dishes after him - 2 points.

How will a woman assess the same situation: he bought a ticket to a new unknown country - 10 points. He hung his things in the closet and washed the dishes after him - 10 points - because she was tired today, and he felt it and helped her, he showed attention.

Dear men, if your relationship has become too practical and stable, then the woman becomes bored, she begins to experience an acute attention deficit, she ceases to feel like your muse, ceases to feel like a woman and the need for herself as a woman. And then you know: “I don’t have enough attention ...”

Dear women! Don't be afraid to say what you really need. After all, we do not know how to read each other's thoughts, but we really want to understand a loved one or a beloved woman. The ability to calmly explain what you want or what you specifically lack relieves unnecessary tension between partners, and also brings harmony to your relationship.

Knowing the distinctive features in female and male psychology, as well as the fundamental differences in the understanding of "attention" from men and women, applying the knowledge gained in Everyday life, you can stay happy every day!

Take care of each other!
Be happy!

He demands proof of love. In every little thing. " If you love me, then ... ", and no matter what happens next. He is clearly going to bargain and set conditions. It is possible that he simply requires attention and warmth. Remember, suddenly you haven't said "I love you".

I'll have dinner at my mom's.

I'll play it now.

There is an opinion that men are addicted to computer games from family boredom, from problems at work., because in computer games the man is in charge. If a woman does not pay enough attention to her husband, he does not necessarily leave the family, leaving for another, but he can go into the virtual world.

I'm with a friend.

When friendship becomes more important than family values, this can lead to a breakdown in relationships. No one says that partners should completely immerse themselves in each other and give all their energy to only one person. But the obsession with spending time with friends is fraught with suspicion, jealousy, and resentment. Your husband is clearly missing something in your relationship if he is so drawn to other people.

And the magic word?

Happy family people repeat phrases "I love you" and " Have a good day" Often. These words are a great way to buy some patience and peace of mind for the day ahead. Phrases like "I love you", "I love you" will allow you to think about your relationship more often. If you live together for a long time, this does not mean that you need to forget about tenderness, compliments and declarations of love. Maybe that's what he lacks?

You are not listening to me!

The greatest communication skill is the ability to listen effectively. One of the most striking manifestations of feelings in the family is the ability to fully concentrate on the spouse, listen to him, no matter what we ourselves want to say. "To be heard" equates to "to be loved." A person feels maximum respect and gratitude in these moments.

Not funny.

Psychologists have found that if close people do not laugh together, it means that not everything is going smoothly in the relationship. In the houses where jokes and laughter live, a light pleasant atmosphere hovers and stable relations develop between people. At the very beginning of family life, laughter in the family sounds much more often. It usually happens just like that, for no reason. As the years go by and they get to know each other, the jokes become more focused, and sometimes quite caustic.

Do you ever have days off?

The opinion of psychologists is unequivocal: separate rest does not at all contribute to strengthening the family and relations between spouses. Properly planned joint leisure only helps to strengthen family relationships and establish deep emotional ties. In order for a joint vacation to become a joy for both spouses, you need to carefully prepare for it. Attend joint events, talk to each other, share dreams.

Dont touch me.

Happy spouses hug each other when they leave for work, meet after, just like that during the day. If there are no "duty hugs" in the family, then people experience tactile hunger. Psychologists believe that people who want to embrace you want to experience a sense of security, comfort and love. The more often we hug each other, the more pleasant it is for us to do this, the stronger the beneficial form of dependence manifests itself.

You don't know what I dream about.

Happy couples share more than just everyday worries. They have common goals, plans and dreams. It doesn't matter what you aspire to - it is important that you embody it all together. If you want to buy an apartment, and your husband wants to build a house with his own hands, then most likely you will not have either one or the other. Discussing the future, the spouses get to know each other better, show mutual interest. If you really do not know what your spouse dreams about, then you are missing out on an important part of the present and future.